Some people refuse to acknowledge that there is conflict , thinking it will go away if they ignore and deny it . Honestly facing the situation and acknowledging the conflict , rather than denying it , will position you to deal with it instead of letting it fester indefinitely and getting worse .
other person ’ s responsibility for the conflict while minimizing yours . Acknowledge that there is rarely a conflict where one person is entirely at fault . Take responsibility for your part in the conflict and be fair , while honestly looking at the situation .
Listen Deep
As Steve Covey says , in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People , seek to understand , rather than to be understood . Listen intently - without interrupting , avoiding defensiveness , which is keenness to avoid or challenge criticism , and which hinders progress towards resolution . Pay close attention , not only to the words spoken , but also to the tone of voice , body language and emotions of the other party .
If you find yourself tending to interrupt , consider using a talking stick or equivalent such as a ball . The talking stick comes from Native American culture , where , during council meetings , the person speaking would hold it , and those present would listen quietly and respectfully without interrupting , following which the stick would be passed to the next person . Using physical speaking symbols or simply giving parties room to speak without interruption will create peace and deepen understanding , especially if you follow-up with clarifying questions and reflection where you paraphrase and restate the words and feelings of the other person .
Once the other party has finished speaking , continue listening for about ten more seconds , or ask , ‘ What else ?’ They may add something that could decisively move the resolution forward .
Empathize
Empathy has been described as stepping into the other person ’ s shoes and seeing the world through their eyes . It is the ability to connect with people , take their thoughts and feelings into account , and respond appropriately , without judgment or shame , making them feel understood , and increasing their openness to you .
Before taking a position or pursuing a course of action , reflect on the effect on the other parties , asking yourself how they would feel and whether you would want that experience yourself . Seeing the world from another person ’ s point of view enables you to mature and develop high understanding with others , leading to faster conflict resolution .
“
Some people refuse to acknowledge that there is conflict , thinking it will go away if they ignore and deny it . Honestly facing the situation and acknowledging the conflict , rather than denying it , will position you to deal with it instead of letting it fester indefinitely and getting worse .
Remain Calm
Emotions often run high in conflict situations . No matter how much the other party becomes aggressive , remain calm , neutral , objective and assertive and where necessary enforce the ground rules set at the beginning .
Take Time Out
Long drawn-out discussions can sometimes tire you and affect your perspective . If things get too heated , or you feel tired and drained , call a time-out of fifteen minutes , a few hours or a few days - whatever is needed . The breathing space will give the parties time to refresh , reflect , examine their positions , clarify their views and desired outcomes and rethink their approaches .
Aim for Win-win
In conflict situations everyone has interests they want to protect and usually no one wants to ‘ lose ’ to the other person . When negotiating towards resolution , negotiate for interests and outcomes that work for all parties . Find out what the other party ’ s non-negotiables are and why they are so important to them and aim for ‘ win-win ’ rather than ‘ win-lose ’ outcomes , where you have the upper hand and the other party has nothing , or ‘ lose-win ’, where you end up with nothing and the other party wins entirely .
Bring in a Mediator
Sometimes it not possible to solve the issue between the parties involved , which is recognized by no real movement towards resolution even after considerable discussions . Should you reach a stalemate , yet both parties are willing to work out a workable resolution , consider bringing in a wise , neutral , trusted and respected third party as a mediator to listen to all parties and facilitate a fair resolution of the situation .
Forgive and Reconcile
It is difficult to move on amicably without genuine forgiveness and healing . All parties should ideally forgive and reconcile as a natural progression of good conflict resolutions . Some parties pretend to have forgiven and reconciled but don ’ t actually do so , which causes the conflict to persist . Others , eager to move past the conflict , rush to reconcile without adequately addressing the issues , leading to a high likelihood of artificial harmony where nothing is really resolved and the conflict continues to fester under the surface .
Learn and Move Forward
Regardless of the outcome , reflect and draw lessons from the conflict and resolution process . Ask yourself how you contributed to the conflict , and how you will resolve it better in future . Focus on healing and repairing the relationship for the long term . If you have lost the relationship , accept that you tried your best and the other party has decided to move on - without you .
While no one is perfect , relationships should be simple . When conflict occurs , demonstrate wisdom and maturity and authentically strive to repair the relationship , always aiming for a positive outcome . Know also when it ’ s time to walk away . Either way , if you navigate conflict honestly with high self-awareness , you will become a better , more , wholesome person .
Here ’ s to a better , improved you .
Caroline Nyamwaya Mwazi is Director and Chief Change Catalyst of Huru Consult Limited , a Nairobi-based management and training consulting company . She can be reached via email on : CMwazi @ gmail . com or LinkedIn Caroline Nyamwaya Mwazi .