Sometimes you cannot rescue everyone while building your own life. You are also allowed to have priorities. If your goals require focus, discipline and sacrifice, it is okay to say: I can’ t take this on right now. You don’ t have to abandon your dreams to make someone else’ s life easier.
same as doing everything for them.
There are moments when our help stops being support and starts being an enabling act that prevents someone else from taking responsibility. When unsure ask yourself, am I helping my friend or am I rescuing them?
Adults need the opportunity to solve problems, make decisions, learn from mistakes and carry their own responsibilities. Your no may be the boundary that allows someone else to grow.
When you have no interest in a new hobby or activity
How many things have we said yes to simply because someone else wanted us to? A new hobby. Another social activity. Another committee. Another invitation.
You are allowed to say: That’ s lovely, but it’ s not for me. You don’ t have to fill your life with things you don’ t enjoy simply to please other people. Your life is not a performance for an audience.
When you are burnt out
Burnout is not a badge of honor. At a recent event where women from all walks of life were discussing how to move from influence to impact, the biggest hindrance to most women, it was highlighted, was our‘ busyness’. Being constantly busy does not mean you are successful. If your mind and body are telling you that you have reached your limit, please listen.
Sometimes the next right decision isn’ t another productivity hack. It’ s a NO! No to yet another meeting, commitment, favor, or unnecessary pressure because we are just burnt out.
When you are healing
Life has highs and lows. You may be going through a loss of a job, a broken relation- ship, a failure, a difficult season. Healing requires space.
You don’ t owe everyone access to you while you are rebuilding yourself. Some seasons require less noise and more solitude. You are allowed to say no while you heal.
When you are pushing yourself out of debt
For most of us we will have a moment where we are going through financial difficulty and reach a point where we make a decision to take the steps necessary towards financial freedom.
This season requires us to say NO. No to things you cannot afford. No to keeping up appearances. No to spending because everyone else is spending. No to the pressure to maintain a lifestyle that no longer serves your goals.
Your future self will thank you for the‘ NO’ that your present self found difficult to say.
But how do you actually say No? First accept that it will be uncomfortable.
Secondly keep it brief and avoid overly explaining your why for saying no. Thirdly, be cordial and polite but firm. An idea to try out is to simple say: Thank you for asking. I won’ t be able to.
The goal is not to become someone who always says no. The goal is to become someone who can honestly say yes and honestly say no.
Because a yes that comes from guilt, exhaustion or fear isn’ t always generosity. And you know the feeling you get in your gut. Learning to say no is learning to stop abandoning yourself.
Choose your yes carefully
Your yes is valuable. Saying yes is powerful and when said honestly fulfills you and the people you have agreed to serve, help, spend time with.
Therefore, give it to things that matter. Give it to your health, your faith, your family, your dreams, your growth, your goals, your peace, your purpose, people your care about, and causes you care about.
Sometimes you cannot rescue everyone while building your own life. You are also allowed to have priorities. If your goals require focus, discipline and sacrifice, it is okay to say: I can’ t take this on right now. You don’ t have to abandon your dreams to make someone else’ s life easier.
Fawzia Ali-Kimanthi is the Chief Consumer Business Officer, Safaricom PLC. You can commune with her on this or related matters on email at: Fawziakimanthi @ gmail. com.
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