Mentors and mentees should not
unduly hide or over-exaggerate
their accomplishments to impress
the other person. They should also
be vulnerable in sharing mistakes
made and shortcomings. Honesty is
also important when evaluating the
relationship and discussing problems
that may occur.
Regular Feedback
Feedback allows both mentor
and mentee to step back from
the relationship and evaluate
the relationship, focusing on
accomplishments, what is going well,
and areas of improvement. The more
open and honest the feedback shared,
the more trust is built and the richer
the mentoring relationship becomes.
In formal mentoring this occurs
regularly, however feedback should
take place regularly in informal
mentoring relationships, too.
Keep Confidences
Mentees place a lot of trust in their
mentors and share intimate details
about their life and challenges.
Mentors should respect this trust
and the privilege of becoming privy
to such information by keeping the
information shared confidential.
Mentees should also keep their
mentors’ confidences when they share
personal details to the rest of the
world.
Professionalism
Both mentor and mentee should
demonstrate their respect for the
relationship by being punctual and
promptly acting on commitments
made. They should also dress
appropriately and conduct themselves
honorably and respectfully, while
remaining natural and human!
Tips for Mentors
The following tips will help mentors
add value to their protégés.
Availability: Respect and
professionalism includes the mentor
not agreeing to mentor someone if
they cannot be available to them.
Mentoring takes time and includes
allowing the mentee access to you in
person and virtually.
the mentor who is seen to have power
over the mentee and as such should
protect, rather than damage the mentee.
Avoid Giving Advice: Avoid
dispensing advice or “fixing” your
mentee by telling them what to do.
Let the mentee develop solutions on
their own. This helps them develop
problem-solving skills instead of
creating dependency on the mentor
to solve their problems. Mentors may
make recommendations or suggestions,
but should leave the mentees free to
chart their own path.
Problems that occur in mentorship
include poor rapport where the
mentor and mentee do not ‘click’ with
each other, misunderstandings or
boundaries not being respected. These
and other problems can be avoided
through regular feedback on the
relationship.
Tips for Mentees
The following are useful tips for the mentee.
Take the lead: As the one in need,
take personal responsibility for the
mentoring relationship. Be proactive
in scheduling meetings and setting the
agenda. Be clear about the outcomes
you want and, where necessary,
be assertive so that your mentor
remains focused on the objectives of
the relationship. Balance your focus
with flexibility to make for a positive
relationship.
Find solutions: When sharing your
struggles, think in advance about
possible solutions and come ready to
brain-storm with your mentor. When
your mentor makes suggestions on the
way forward, don’t feel that you have to
do everything your mentor tells you to
the letter. Take your mentor’s ideas as
input and confidently make your own
decisions, knowing that you bear the
consequences of your choices.
Mentoring Across Gender
Cross-gender mentoring relationships
can be very enriching through sharing
of male-female perspectives. Unique
dynamics may emerge, such as
attraction developing between mentors
and mentees. Both mentor and mentee
should be aware of this possibility and
protect each other by keeping to the
agreed boundaries including areas for
discussion and contact framework.
Greater responsibility for this lies with
Problems in Mentorship
When problems occur, both parties
should take a step back, re-evaluate
and re-clarify honestly. On rare
occasions things may turn acrimonious,
in which case it may be necessary
to involve a third party or end the
relationship altogether. When this
happens in formal mentoring, the
mentee and mentor can be reassigned.
Ending the Relationship
Mentoring is usually not open-ended
and should come to an end once the
objectives of mentorship are achieved.
When ending the relationship both
mentor and mentee evaluate the
journey, sharing struggles, triumphs,
growth achieved and lessons learnt.
They thank and celebrate each other
and move on with their lives, loosely
remaining in touch, and adding value
to others as mentors and mentees.
By engaging in mentorship you grow
yourself and allow another to positively
input into your life. If you are in a
mentoring relationship, use these tips
to improve your relationship. If you
do not have a mentor, get one and
schedule your first meeting! Finally
look for one or two people to mentor
and start walking with them. Let me
know how you get on.
Caroline Mwazi is Chief Change
Catalyst at Huru Consult Limited,
a Nairobi-based management and
training consulting company focusing on
Strategic Management, Organizational
Development, Financial Management,
Leadership & Personal Development.
You can reach her on mail at: CMwazi@
huruconsult.com or Twitter @cmwazi.