communicates that you ’ re confident in yourself . 9 . The Eyes Have It Make eye contact with someone . Power gaze at people ; this involves looking at people ’ s eyes and foreheads , and not below their mouths . That ’ s only for social situations . 10 . Power Pose Don ’ t stand slumped over . Instead , do a power pose . Stand with your feet apart and your arms loose at your sides . People are going to be attracted to you and want to talk to you because you seem confident and in control . 11 . Like-Dar Ask a “ like radar ” question . This is a question that will highlight what you two have in common . For example , you might ask , “ Keeping up with certain sport lately ?” or “ What are your favorite restaurants around here ?” These questions and things in common will foster instant connections . 12 . Smile Be positive and smile . Make sure your smile extends to your eyes so that it looks authentic . People are attracted to positivity , not negativity . 13 . Authenticity Be authentic in your interactions and not sarcastic . People want to start conversations with you because you ’ re being real , and not facetious . 14 . From The Heart When cold calling or emailing someone , give him or her authentic compliments from the heart . 15 . What Can I Do For You ? During a cold interaction , say specifically what you can do for a person . 16 . Warm It Up ! To further your cold interaction and make it warmer , include an actionable question at the end of your call or email . For example , you could say , “ Could we jump on a call to discuss your goals with time management ?” 17 . Your Feet In a group conversation , point your feet towards the person you want to hone in on and talk to . It shows that you ’ re in tune with what that person has to say .
18 . The Head Tilt
In a group conversation , tilt your head to show that you ’ re listening to the person . Then , he or she will see that you ’ re paying attention and be more inclined to speak to you privately . 19 . The Face Watch your microexpressions in any social setting , even if you ’ re not talking to anyone . For example , if your eyebrows are raised and your lips are stretched or drawn back , it shows that you ’ re afraid and not calm and collected . People want to talk to you if you ’ re composed and not scared . 20 . To Fist Bump / Not To Fist Bump ? Do not fist bump when first meeting someone . Shake his or her hand instead . 21 . Sweaty Palms Make sure your hand is dry when you go to shake another person ’ s hand . Nobody wants to talk to someone with a wet hand , because it shows that he or she is nervous . 22 . Vertical Hold your hand out and move it up and down with the other person ’ s hand . If you hold your hand over his or hers , it demonstrates that you ’ re condescending . If you put your hand out palm up , and hold it below the other person ’ s hand , it shows that you ’ re lower than him or her . You want to be perceived as an equal instead . 23 . By The Bar ... At any event , situate yourself right where people are exiting the bar with their drinks . This is when they ’ re settling in and ready for interactions . 24 . ... Or By The Food Sit down where people are eating too . As soon as they put their plates down , shake their hands and start talking to them . 25 . The Sweet Spot Stand or sit still when you ’ re in your sweet spot at the bar exit and the tables . Nobody wants to interact with someone who is fidgeting .
26 . Watch Your Nerves
On that note , watch your self-soothing behaviors . Don ’ t clasp your hands together , tap your foot or self groom while waiting for people to approach you . 27 . Alpha Behavior To demonstrate alpha behavior in a group and attract people to you , use expressive gestures . For example , describe two ideas coming together by bringing your hands together . 28 . The Power Of Lean If you ’ re in a group setting and trying to focus on connecting with one person , lean in when he or she talks . It shows , “ I want to be with you and talk with you .” 29 . Display Confidence When you ’ re standing and waiting for an interaction , keep your head up and your shoulders down to communicate how confident you are . 30 . Vocal Power When you first start talking to someone , use your low vocal power to keep him or her engaged . 31 . Remember To Breathe Take deep breaths and don ’ t go high up with your vocals . End all your questions with a period , not a question mark . You want to sound like you ’ re sure of yourself . 32 . Be Passionate Add excitement into your introductions . Raise your voice , for example , when talking about your company or your passions . 33 . Growth If you ’ re in a group and you want people to pay attention to you , use the nonverbal hand signal for growth . This involves raising your hand in an upward slope . You ’ re showing people using your body language how successful you are . Of course , we ’ re all attracted to successful people and want to start conversations with them .
Vanessa Van Edwards
Vanessa Van Edwards is lead investigator at the Science of People — a human behavior research lab . She is the national bestselling author of Captivate : The Science of Succeeding With People , which was chosen as one of Apple ’ s Most Anticipated Books of 2017 . She writes a monthly column on the science of success for Entrepreneur Magazine and the Huffington Post . Her original research has been featured in Fast Company , Cosmopolitan , TIME , Forbes , INC and USA Today .
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