IT TAKES TWO
relationship . We married at the end of our third year of residency , and Natalie started her first year of fellowship as Dr . Miller . Always obligated to our training , we cut our honeymoon short for that magical July 1 start date of my fourth year of residency and Natalie ’ s first day of fellowship .
We grew our family in Natalie ’ s second year of fellowship and my chief year . I was scrubbing into a thyroidectomy when Natalie called to let me know that our daughter was arriving via urgent cesarean section . Another con and significant issue in medical training for many women , Natalie had to return to work only four weeks after a C-section in order to fulfill her work requirements and graduate on time . While lack of maternity and paternity leave is not unique to medical training , the situation is made more poignant by this systemic failure in our field - which should prioritize maternal health .
Although there have been challenges , we have been very fortunate . We matched residency in the same city , and Natalie matched into fellowship at her home program , allowing us to stay until our completion of training . We were able to both secure jobs in a competitive Louisville market after graduation . We recognize that this is not the reality for many of our peers , and we have watched friends and colleagues navigate long-distance relationships , spend extended time apart and have to settle for less-than-ideal work environments in order to remain in their chosen location or field .
Since returning to Louisville , we have been blessed to expand our family to three children . Children add a wonderful test to any marriage , and physician couples are certainly no exception . Navigating this dynamic is a challenge that we face on a daily basis . We know that dealing with health issues is a common stressor for many families . Fortunately , we are able to manage many minor childhood illnesses . We love our pediatricians , but we rarely see them outside of annual well visits ! However , we remind ourselves often that we are our children ’ s parents first and not their doctors . We can be burdened with the experience of seeing patients suffer bad outcomes , which can cloud our clinical judgment and perspective . Or , we may dismiss or downplay certain complaints . The tension between acting as parent or doctor continues to be a balancing act that we are always working on .
Sharing domestic responsibilities is important to us as a couple . We both love being involved in the day-to-day lives of our children and cherish the memories of the exciting and mundane . It is important to us for our children to see and experience both of us in all roles of domestic life . At the same time , we can teach them how to balance work and life through our own successes and failures . It is our hope that this effort will help to address and reframe outdated notions of parental responsibility and gender roles for our children .
Unfortunately , our careers limit our spontaneity for spur-ofthe-moment activities at school because our schedules are often set months in advance . Although this is not unique to medical couples , as any working couple will have similar constraints , call schedules and commitments outside of working hours can be more demanding . Canceling patients is something that is often impossible . At times , we are envious of other parents who enjoy a more flexible work environment .
Given our scheduling demands , we realize that we could not have our careers without the help of our families . Multiple relatives drove hours to stay with our newborn daughter when we returned to our residency duties . Prior to our return to Louisville , we had family secure a rental house for us , sight unseen . During the pandemic , when we had minimal work-from-home options , they helped provide reliable child care while schools and daycare closed . Over time , we have worked to build a network of trustworthy babysitters , to help in emergencies and allow us to have date nights . We have also learned the importance of outsourcing help , in order to prioritize our precious free time .
One of the unique aspects of practicing medicine in fields that share close proximity is the ability to “ curbside consult ” one another for questions relating to patient care . It is truly invaluable to be able to pick up the phone and have another specialist give recommendations immediately in the middle of clinic or later at the dinner table . Our children are becoming well-versed in medical jargon as they share an audience to these discussions . Few 7-year-olds are likely to correctly use the term anaphylaxis . The downside of this , although it is infrequent , is when we approach treatment from a different viewpoint or have different opinions on management . Although infrequent , we are both stubborn and committed to our specialty ’ s approach .
We are also able to support each other in different aspects of medical practice . We can review each other ’ s contracts , counsel on how to manage online reputation and discuss what to do with challenging patients . We also attend meetings together . Whether this is a GLMS Policy & Advocacy meeting , KMA Annual Meeting or CME event , we are fortunate to be able to attend these events with a trusted colleague and peer with whom we can also carpool !
One of the most unexpected and enjoyable aspects of being married to another physician , however , is the ability to watch them work . Most couples do not share the same profession or field as their partner and will never be able to truly evaluate the skill and craft of their spouse . Happily , we do . And one of the aspects of our marriage that we both cherish is the times in which we share patients with each other . It is so gratifying to have a patient return to the office after a visit with your spouse and have them say , “ He / she is a great doctor .” We couldn ’ t agree more .
Drs . Sean and Natalie Miller are practicing physicians in Louisville , Kentucky . Natalie is an allergist / immunologist and partner at Family Allergy and Asthma . Sean is an otolaryngologist and partner with Kentuckiana Ear , Nose and Throat , a division of ENT Care Centers .
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