Men do not expect to have to fight all day in the community facing disrespect and having to prove to others his worth while trying to be honorable and handle his business and come home to have to fight again. The pain of feeling the need to fight for your self worth in your own home leads men to feel like they need to find a place where they can be accepted as a man. When move on, in many cases it is because they are seeking for appreciation, acceptance and honor. Even if they have not quite figured out how to honor others they seek it for themselves because they have seldom experienced it for themselves. When they do find it they are likely to reciprocate and forge a connection that will last as long as there is a continuation of respect and they are seen as being valuable and loved. Most men know that they haven't figured it out but if given time they will try to do so.
3. Men are confused and feel presured about their roles as men because they are given mixed messages from society and their families. Pressure causes the fight or flight syndrome.
Another very important aspect concerning men in relationships is that men are given mixed signals as to what the expectation for a man is. He is to be strong one minute and take control but he cannot be the boss because he then is seen as being domineering. He is said that real men don't cry and yet he is faced with tragedies that tear at his very soul daily. Because he cannot express his hurt in sorrow he expresses it in anger and violence. He is expected to communicate and yet his communication as a man is not going to be like a woman and this presents another problem he is too visceral in his speech and he is seen as being mean. He dare not express what he desires for his home because his desires are too unrealistic. His uncertain role and the continuation of these role reversals when compounded with daily stress and the continued feeling that he cannot as a man share his feelings he becomes a silent walking time bomb waiting to explode. Its not that men cannot commit but in many cases they do not know how or even want to because they feel that the situations are not in their favor and that know matter what they do they can never get it right. Because men are social and sexual creatures they seek to find the most agreeable situation in which to be who and what they are. If they feel they are being denied the right of being a man they will generally find someone who they can be themselves with and feel appreciated for who and what they are.
Men do not always leave a woman for a more beautiful woman. In many cases they are looking for a more accommodating woman who will understand them or try to. I have seen men leave women for other women who are not attractive at all and remain faithful even in marriage. Black men can be faithful and generally they are when they commit. Women must understand that a black man is seeking for someone that he can commit to. He does not always remain in a relationship when the woman has not respected herself. Men know when a woman is respectable and that he will never be respected if a woman does not respect herself.
In his journey the black man is looking for acceptance, respect and honor. When he gets this he will commit and commit hard. He loves and loves hard when his heart has been made to feel that he does not have to war in his own home or compete with the one he only wants to love. Black men have been wounded, disgraced and made to feel worthless for decades. New times do not extinguish old wounds especially when the cause of the wound still exists. There remains much mental anguish and epigenetic transference of emotional trauma. When this is coupled with cognitive dysfunctional ideations and cognitive dissonance even the strongest of hearts can be turned to stone.
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