LeadingAge New York Adviser Winter Vol. 1 | Page 41

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The holidays can bring opportunities
to remember the person who has
died in a way that is personally
meaningful. Some families choose
to participate in holiday events at a
local hospice. Others may choose
to share special family stories over
a meal. Some may find that making
a donation to a special charity or
volunteering time to help others in
need may be a comforting way to
honor their loved one.
Grief does not progress along a
predictable timeline. Conventional
wisdom holds that after the first year,
one should be “over it.” In reality,
even those who feel that they have
worked through their grief can still
feel an overwhelming sense of loss
during this season.

Holidays often magnify feelings of loss.
It is natural to feel sadness. The need for
support is often greater during holidays.
Hospice and palliative care professionals
have always recognized the need to
provide emotional and spiritual support
to those who are grieving, at any time
of year. If your grief feels like too much
to bear, call us. An experienced grief
counselor can help.
Tips to help a grieving friend
get through the holidays
If your friend, neighbor, family member or

co-worker has recently experienced a loss, here are some
things you can do to help them weather the “joyous”
season:
Acknowledge their loss. Let them know that you
understand that this is a difficult time of year and that
you recognize that the holidays will not be the same for
them this year.
Trust in their decisions. Let them tell you what they
feel up to doing. Don’t force the bereaved to do anything
because you think it will make them feel better.
Use the deceased’s name. Often there’s a fear of saying
the name of the person who’s died, as if somehow saying
the name will cause more pain. However, phrases like,
“So sorry for your loss,” and even using only pronouns
like, “She was so wonderful,” and “He will be truly
missed,” tend to negate the person’s existence in the first
place.
Offer comfort and reassurance without minimizing
the loss. Listen sincerely and openly. Don’t attempt to
change the subject if the conversation gets uncomfortable
for you. If you’ve gone through a similar loss, share your
own experience if you think it would help. However,
don’t give unsolicited advice, claim to know what the
person is feeling, or compare your grief to theirs.
Offer practical help. Sometimes what the bereaved
need most during this time of year is help getting things
done. Maybe setting up the Christmas tree or baking the
special family cookies are some things that your friend
would like to do but doesn’t have the energy for.

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