erally outvoted at times and temporarily discouraged . The “ White agenda ” often continues with the elevation of a few White and White-influenced hands and the words , “ The ayes have it .”
I am highly passionate about making a difference in our children ’ s lives through education . A defensive mechanism that I have encountered frequently from some White parents , teachers and staff when challenged to do more to make things fair – specifically by a Black man – is dejection .
I can see it when some White parents , teachers and staff detach . It takes shape in a few ways , some more animated than others , but all motivated by the same societal training . When challenged by a passionate , intelligent Black man , they shut down .
One of my children ’ s teachers prefers to make a scene to garner auto-sympathy from her colleagues and allies and pretends to be a victim when I challenge the way things are . Instinctively , her colleagues try to attack , but are standing on loose footing . They lose all sense of order and civility . But none of that matters to them anymore . They have one goal : Silence the angry Black man because he ’ s making too much sense again .
Others pull back in their seats , cross their arms and search the room for allies who are equally disgusted by the thought of me challenging the way things are . They doodle or pantomime their discomfort until I ’ m finished talking , then try their best to get back to “ business as usual .”
That ’ s when I know I ’ m on point . They should be uncomfortable . They should be disgusted with themselves for the data .
I take note of who is really there to make a difference and who is there to block the path . You can ’ t close the door on our children any longer . Whenever you see me in a parent meeting , know I came to take the doors off the hinges .
Courage to speak up
For many educators , what these two parents have shared can be felt as hurtful or aggressive , and even as the “ angry Black parent ” stereotype . Yet , we must recognize and acknowledge the truth of many parts of their sharing . We must acknowledge their lack of trust of our system , and their quantifiable evidence as to why the trust is minimal . We must be honest about how we are challenged to support African American families instead of placing any blame or coming from a place of lack of knowledge about Black families culturally .
Further , we must acknowledge that they feel the effects of our implicit bias . I offer that we need to listen from a place of emotional intelligence – a place that unlocks our hearts from our differences – allowing us to hear their pain , their frustration , and their fear of how their kids and other kids of color can be failed if these parents and other parents don ’ t have the courage to speak up .
When considering what the two parents shared , it ’ s imperative that we reflect with the lens that we educators are in co-control of their most precious treasures , their children .
When parents speak , once we listen and respond , we must follow up in the ways we say that we will and make the parents part of the solution . That ’ s how we gain trust , the trust needed to partner for their children ’ s success and the success of our schools .
Overall , partnering with African American families looks a bit different . It takes intentionality , consistency , transparency and relevance , as well as sacrifice , the very same sacrifice the parents mention : time and energy .
In addition , for Black families , schools are simply one more place where they must yet again do more than others in order to try to stay on par . This sacrifice must be reciprocated more fully by us .
Due to historical pain in our country , “ the system ” is often represented first by our schools as the place where Black families send their children as the pipeline to college , career or prison . The difference between which pipeline the child travels down depends on both the willingness of the parent to engage with a system that often has the failure of their child institutionalized as part of its predictable outcomes , as well as the willingness of the system to sacrifice deep change and transformation in how it views and interacts with African American families for true engagement .
Tovi Scruggs-Hussein is an education leader and author of the book “ Be a Parent Champion : A Guide to Becoming a Partner with Your Child ’ s School .”
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