They heard such-and-such about so-and-so , and they can hold it or pass it along because they have nothing to lose . It ’ s not personally their story , so they feel free to talk about it — often for the ugly thrill of gossip . Of course , we know that gossip risks their integrity , so it does cost them something , but they rarely seem to consider that against the reward of the inside scoop . It costs them little to pass this information along because they have no skin in the game .
The next level is an entrusted secret , which is still on the safer side of the spectrum of secrets . Entrusted secrets are kept because the nature of the relationship involved requires confidentiality . This might include information between a doctor and patient or between a therapist and client . Even still , the person entrusted with the secret may have a mandated duty to report the secret , especially if the secret involves the abuse or mistreatment of a child , harm to the person themself , or harm to someone else . So there are situations when even the person entrusted with the information may have an obligation to let someone else know .
Inside secrets live on the line between the darkness and the light . These secrets are pieces of information held within a small group of people . An inside secret can be innocuous , such as a few friends planning a surprise birthday party . But sometimes inside secrets foster a sense of exclusivity , of being elite because you ’ re in the know . An abuser will utilize this charade of intimacy as part of the grooming process . They might say to you , “ Keep this secret for me , as part of the intimacy of our friendship .”
Most complex of all are dark secrets . These are the facts that “ a person or an organization knows and conceals because if they were revealed , they could damage the image of that person or organization ,” [ according to Wade Mullen in Something ’ s Not Right ]. Dark secrets are private and confidential , usually because the information is embarrassing , incriminating , or shameful .
When Annie shared her “ prayer request ” with Tricia , she was sharing a secret that had three layers . First , it was a dark secret . She was a woman with spiritual authority , and she was married to a man . In her specific religious context , the secrets of her attraction to and approaches with women would have threatened her reputation , her marriage , and her livelihood .
Second , it was an inside secret , designed to create a sense of intimacy . She asked Tricia to keep the information as a demonstration of loyalty .
Third , when Annie asked Tricia to be her intercessor , she looped her into an entrusted relationship of secret keeping . If Tricia had been Annie ’ s doctor or therapist , an agreedupon role with boundaries in place , that would have been one thing . But Annie placed Tricia in a situation where Tricia could not ask for help without breaking a trusted confidence . Annie put Tricia ’ s devotion on the line .
And finally , Annie was in a position of power as a person with spiritual authority . A spiritual
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