surface until it becomes too tight and fragile to hold it anymore . It bursts ; we explode . And being a church leader can compound the explosion .
What Anxiety , Hives , and Cheese Curds Have in Common her baby boy , a squishy-cheeked ball of cuddles and colic . Stephanie was happy , but a cloud of depression began to form — hardly noticeable at first . Something wasn ’ t right , but she couldn ’ t put her finger on it . Unfortunately , it wasn ’ t long until she faced the most difficult loss of all .
Stephanie is complicated . On one hand , she gets incredibly awkward when people cry ( super convenient as a pastor ’ s wife who counsels teen girls ). On the other hand , she herself is acquainted with emotional breakdowns consisting of cheese curds , mint Oreo custard from Culver ’ s , and a good Netflix binge while attempting to hold it all together . . . and failing . Years of conflicting emotions and copious losses have culminated in a body and mind riddled with anxiety and hives ( literally ). Her breaking point hit in 2010 .
The year started hopefully for Stephanie and Isaac . They were expecting their first son in June and had begun nesting ( as much as you could nest in the olden pre-Pinterest days ). They thought they were ready , but What to Expect When You ’ re Expecting didn ’ t cover what to do when you grieve three losses in one year and experience postpartum depression concurrently .
After losing her grandpa and dog , a break in the sadness came with the arrival of
She got the call on July 31 , 2010 . Stephanie and her sweet boy were snuggling in the nursery glider chair , the only position her fussy boy relished , when her cell phone rang . The words “ stage 4 colon cancer ” combined with her best friend ’ s name made zero sense . How could this be real life ? The following two and a half months were a whirlwind that abruptly stopped when her best friend met Jesus face-toface . Stephanie dealt with the pain the only way she felt she could survive , by pretending it hadn ’ t happened . She called her best friend ’ s phone and listened to her voice on the voicemail daily , choking back tears , for months . But instead of facing her devastation , she wedged herself into her big girl pants the only way she knew how and continued trucking — for the next decade . But repressed feelings usually find a way to surface , even if they look different than you ’ d expect .
After Stephanie ’ s debilitating anxiety was born in 2010 , intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors began , followed by autoimmune issues a few years later .
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