many years and thousands of prayers, Tim [ my friend and co-writer of“ Even If”] hasn’ t been healed of cancer either. His family was not saved from the fire. Yet the story became how God has seen us all through the fire. And today, He still does.“ Even If” was born out of the storm of my wife Shannon’ s and my ongoing struggles and questions regarding God amid faith and suffering. Out of those difficult years came the most honest and vulnerable lyrics I’ ve ever written.
At the point I finally sat down to write“ Imagine,” the idea had been rolling around in my head and heart for nine years following Dad’ s death. When I was finally ready, the lyrics took about ten minutes. It felt as if I was a scribe taking down the words as fast as they were given to me. At the point that Tim showed me what he and songwriter Crystal [ Lewis ] had written of“ Even If,” I had been processing all those feelings for the past fourteen years of Sam’ s life. Once the song was finished, I realized I had been ready to speak that truth out loud for a long time. I just didn’ t know how. The reality of the birth of MercyMe’ s two biggest songs was that the actual writing only took minutes, while the life lived to accurately and honestly tell the story took many years. In the Bible, so many of the powerful stories were also years in the making, sometimes decades, sometimes even generations. We may be in a hurry, but God never is.
The toughest part of“ Even If” for me was singing the lyrics in the bridge, the words that declare God’ s faithfulness and goodness when He has chosen not to heal, even though I believe He can. I understand why that’ s the part of the Christian life and faith so many people struggle to reconcile. That thought is very tough to confess. The looming question from a lost world becomes“ So let me get this straight— you believe in a God who can save and heal, but He hasn’ t and doesn’ t appear like He will, and yet you still choose to follow and trust Him?”
Shannon and I finally came to the place of agreeing with Joshua’ s confession before God and the nation of Israel:“ But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD”( Joshua 24:15 NASB). Following Jesus is all about full and complete surrender to His will, which means dying to our own will. For us, that confession is deeply personal and emotional, which took me a very long time to be able to say for myself, much less sing to thousands. My fight in the flower chair was constantly about thinking, God, You haven’ t been good. This is the worst time of my life when it should be the best. But I had to accept the fact that, just like Tim’ s daily X on his wrist, I’ m still here, Shannon and I are still married, and my kids are still here. We are alive and together. This journey brought me to the point of being broken in the most beautiful way possible. In light of eternity and a home in Heaven, that is indeed good.
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