DON’ T HURRY; DON’ T GIVE UP Brad Hambrick
The news of your spouse’ s sexual sin can feel like a siren calling for intense, immediate action. When something BIG happens, it is natural to think we should have a big and immediate response. That instinct is common and understandable, but we quickly realize we don’ t have enough information to make big, decisive decisions. At this point in our journey, we don’ t know what we know; meaning that we don’ t know if the information we currently have is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We don’ t know( i. e., have certainty about) what we think we know( i. e., the pieces of information we discovered or have been told).
With that in mind, let’ s consider three recommendations to help you pace yourself as you make decisions and interact with your spouse.
1. Avoid threats. It is very easy to get caught up in saying“ what I ought to do” or“ what I have every right to do.” Anger is an appropriate response to betrayal. At its core, anger says two things:( a) this is wrong, and( b) it matters. Your anger toward your spouse’ s sin is right on both claims.
However, in this caution against making threats, we are offering practical guidance rather than moral guidance. Statements like,“ I ought to tell your whole family what you did,” or“ I have every right to divorce you and fleece you in the alimony,” further destabilize an already precarious situation. Because of this, these statements do more
54