Do you find yourself arguing with your spouse in front of your children ? If you do , then don ’ t be surprised when your children respond to you in the same way . Do you belittle your spouse in front of your kids ? Then don ’ t be surprised when your children do the same thing . How about when your spouse establishes a punishment ? Do you go behind his / her back and let your child know that you ’ ll “ take care of it ,” so the child gets her way ? Your deceptive examples are showing your child that manipulation works . It shows them that if you disagree with a decision someone makes , you can still work at getting your own way . Don ’ t be surprised when your child uses the same manipulative tactics that they ’ ve observed in you . Don ’ t be shocked when your children pit you against your spouse when they don ’ t get what they want .
Model having difficult conversations
Another important example we can provide our children is the way to have difficult conversations . No one likes to have them , but they are necessary if our relationships are to flourish . We must have difficult conversations at church , at work , and at home . But do you allow your children to have hard conversations with you ? Do you welcome your teenager saying things like , “ When you speak to me like that , it makes me feel dumb .” When they are thinking through worldview issues , do you allow them to admit , “ I don ’ t think I see it that way , Dad .” When they come home from school , are they able to tell you , “ You never let me go out with my friends . I feel like I live in a jail .” Have you practiced allowing your children to safely say things you don ’ t like and then calmly discussing the issue at hand ?
I cannot sufficiently stress the importance of this habit . Strong relationships are built on trust , and that requires fostering trust over time . Your children have a lot bottled up inside of them : some of it is safe and easy to share , and some not so safe . They will not reveal to you their struggles if you haven ’ t already done your “ battle for relationship .” Are you safe ? Have you led by godly parental example to allow them to share how they feel about life , about your relationship ?
If your children can ’ t talk with you about sensitive topics , they will find someone else to talk with . If you ’ re unwilling to listen to them , they will find someone who will . And that someone may not point them to Christ . As you listen to your children , you will earn their trust . And when you ’ ve earned their trust , you will enjoy many conversations that will knit your hearts together .
Model seeking forgiveness
What if we modeled the humility of a teachable spirit before our children ? Have you ever walked away from a conversation where you have confronted children about their sin and you were amazed at their response ? They took ownership and listened thoughtfully , possibly even asking clarifying questions . Sounds like a dream , doesn ’ t it ? How about when your child sins against you and asks for forgiveness ? As parents , we need to be modeling these qualities .
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