But it wasn ’ t like that at all . It was a great evening , filled with laughter and fun . It was kind of a reunion for a whole generation of young people who no longer went to our church but didn ’ t seem to harbor any ill feelings toward me or the church . It was wonderful but confused me all the more .
On Monday , I went into my staffer ’ s office to thank her for the invitation and tell her how much I enjoyed the party . I told her that the whole evening had created considerable confusion and curiosity in me because I couldn ’ t figure out why these young adults who 1 ) seemed to like our church , 2 ) seemed to like the pastor of the church — me , and 3 ) absolutely loved the worship director — who was one of their best friends — still weren ’ t interested in being part of our church in any meaningful way .
My worship director looked at me and said , “ You know , I have been trying to figure this out for a long time . I wish I had an answer .”
That led us to decide that instead of trying another young adult ministry initiative , we would instead try an experiment focused on learning . We just wanted to see if we could get a few of them together to talk with us about their lives and what we were doing and not doing that would help them stay more engaged in the life and mission of the church .
What we realized is that while we had tried a lot of programs , we hadn ’ t focused on listening to or learning from the very people we were trying to reach .
So we hosted a little gathering at my worship director ’ s house and I brought in a pizza . And we just talked . No judgment , no selling , no trying to convince anyone of anything . I went in curious and asked a lot of questions . And we did it again . And one more time .
Six weeks and three conversations later , we had learned a lot that shaped our ministry for years to come . The other happy result was that four of the people from that small gathering reconnected to the church , and two of them eventually became leaders .
The cost ? Three pizzas .
( So , what did we learn ? Well , if I told you , that would spoil the fun of your own discoveries , right ? Indeed , you will likely learn something completely different in your own setting .)
At the famous Stanford Design School , students are taught to use “ How Might We ” ( HMW ) questions to frame up new ideas to explore . 5 Good HMW questions are always broad , curious , focused on a problem , and in search of a positive solution . Helpful HMW questions start with the observations , interpretations , and questions that we want to explore and turn them into something we can experiment with in a playful way .
They help us take on the very “ spirit of adventure ” that Ed Friedman says is critical for overcoming imaginative gridlock .
If we were writing a HMW question for our young adult ministry , it would have been , “ How might we discover what young adults
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