I can remember exactly what I was wearing the day I found out . I had interviewed journalist Deborah Norville about her new book and was still in the studio when my parents called . That ’ s a funny thing about trauma ; you can remember every detail of that day . But you know you are healed from it when years later you can recount the story and not feel the pain associated with it . I have experienced so much healing in my life , which is why I can write about this now .
What happened that day reminds me of the first time I visited the Sea of Galilee in Israel . Our tour guide explained how quickly storms can blow in . When the boat leaves the shore , the sky can be as clear as crystal and the water as smooth as glass , but then , seemingly out of nowhere , dark clouds blow in , unleashing a raging tempest that rocks the ship . As I gazed out over the placid water , I couldn ’ t imagine a storm suddenly sweeping in . The tour guide ’ s statement seemed unreal to me , but it ’ s true nonetheless . I think the reality is , life can be like that too . Everything can be calm and quiet , the sun can be shining , and things can appear great . Then , just like that , a dark cloud blows in , the wind starts whipping , thunder and lightning crash , rain begins pouring down , and suddenly , you find yourself being tossed on the waves , thinking your ship might sink .
That ’ s what it was like for me that day in 2007 . I wouldn ’ t say life was as smooth as a sea of glass , but it was good . God was doing great things in our family and at Daystar . As you can imagine , though , Marcus and I were doing life at a pretty brisk pace that often had us running in different directions . In the middle of this busyness , my parents called , saying I needed to come to their house immediately because there was something urgent that they needed to show me . They were working for us at the time , so I dropped everything and rushed over . The whole time I was driving , I was thinking , “ What in the world do they have to show me that ’ s so urgent ?”
When I walked in , I could tell they had been crying , so I braced myself . Nothing , however , could have prepared me for what they presented to me . The pace of my life came to an abrupt halt . My heart sank , and a hollowness formed in the pit of my stomach as I read the revealing emails my dad had been given for me to see . Mom and Dad lived only a couple of miles from us , so I stayed at their house a moment to gain my composure as the severity of what I had discovered began to sink in . More like a bad dream than reality , it was hard for me to grasp that this was even happening . It couldn ’ t be happening , not to us . Marcus was having an affair , and it was with a woman I thought was my friend .
When I finally made it home , the house was empty . Marcus was playing golf with a buddy of his . Jonathan was off at college . Rebecca and Rachel were busy with school , doing what high school girls do . So , I was there alone in the echoing silence . Our dream home now felt more like a brick-and-mortar shell . As feelings of betrayal and anger rose inside me , one of my first thoughts was to lay out the emails so Marcus would find them one by one , like a fish being chummed . I ’ d watch him squirm and then just let him have it . That ’ s what my flesh wanted to do . That ’ s what
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