Premarital counseling within the church is nearly ubiquitous . Helping couples prepare , not just for a wedding , but for life after the wedding is a value most pastors have . Thankfully , premarital preparation works . In general , the average couple sees a 30 percent increase in relationship quality and premarital counseling lowers the annual odds of divorce by 31 percent . That ’ s good news . The bad news for couples forming blended families ( also called stepcouples ) is that 75 % get no premarital preparation at all , and when they do , typically it is what leaders offer first-time engaged couples , and so , completely misses the mark . This creates a significant premarital counseling gap for blended families — and means couples start their stepfamily journey without support and protection against redivorce .
But now , pastors and churches can close that gap .
The book Preparing to Blend : The Couples Guide to Becoming a Smart Stepfamily gives engaged couples and their children the guidance they need to give their blended family a running start – and sets the standard for a comprehensive 10-session premarital preparation program designed specifically for the unique challenges of blended families . Growing Activities in each chapter are practical , time-tested , and designed to not only prepare the family for their new life together , but actually increase family relational momentum even before the wedding .
Key Differences in Premarital Preparation with Couples Forming Stepfamilies
The first chapter of Preparing to Blend explains that coupleness does not necessarily equal familyness . Traditional premarital counseling is focused on the couple dyad , that is , on coupleness . But blended family living is about a couple embedded in a family journeying into familyness . When blended family couples divorce it is often because , though they fell in love with a person , they didn ’ t know how to be a family . You can immediately see the problem . Premarital preparation that focuses only on the marital dyad inadvertently gives the couple a false sense of security and contributes to the unrealistic expectation that if the couple is strong the family will be strong . That ’ s just not true .
Effective pre-blended family counseling prepares adults and children for the many unique dynamics of stepfamily living that are known to cause family and marital difficulties . Stepcouples and children need designed-forblended-family preparation , not designed-forfirst-marriage preparation .
Blended Family Complexity
Leading and living in a blended family — whether formed by death , divorce , or the dissolution of a relationship — is just as different and complex as leading a church in a sociallypolitically divisive pandemic .
To illustrate the complexity , let ’ s do some stepfamily math . Biological families are often comprised of two parents and four grandparents . That means there are six primary parent figures directly responsible for childrearing and nurturing children through their lives — all of whom have a direct biological
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