replied and got the materials the man needed . The dying man set to work . An hour later , the doctor returned ; the man was still hunched over , writing furiously . “ I ’ m glad to see that you ’ re writing out your will with such care ,” the doctor said . The man looked up from the page and said , “ Oh , this isn ’ t my will , Doc . This is a list of all the people I need to bite before I die .”
You may have a similar list . You may not have it written down , but you ’ ve composed one in your head . Your list includes a brother or sister , a friend or coworker , a parent or grandparent , or maybe a stranger you believe has wronged you in some way . Perhaps you ’ ve been the victim of abuse . For others , there are no specific names or faces , just a gnawing bitterness at life , God , or people in general .
The Path from Bitterness to Forgiveness
Here are four steps to transforming the mountain of bitterness into forgiveness :
Step # 1 : Acknowledge You Have Been Wronged
If another person has truly hurt you — if you ’ ve been left at the altar , so to speak — then don ’ t deny or bury it . Inevitably , the hurt will surface , and if left unattended will fester into anger , which then will turn into bitterness .
The more I counsel those who have legitimate hurts , the more I ’ m convinced that one of the most potent forces in the universe is denial . Over time , people convince themselves that they ’ ve forgiven their perpetrator , when in reality all they ’ ve done is dull the pain through dismissal . Why do they do this ? More times than not , it ’ s because the pain is too great to face . It ’ s easier to push pain aside than it is to stand toe to toe with it . But this isn ’ t the only reason we deny wrongs done to us . We also don ’ t want others — or even ourselves — to come to the conclusion that somehow we deserved what we got . For example , the man who cheats on his wife shouldn ’ t be surprised that she may want to divorce him , nor should he become angry , blaming his wife for supposedly driving him into the arms of another woman .
Obviously , some abuses are so great it ’ s best to seek professional help from a Christian counselor . But whether the hurt is large or small , one thing is true : if you don ’ t acknowledge it , the root of bitterness will rear its ugly head and bite you and others . So , if you want to root out bitterness , do as Joseph did in Egypt when he confronted his brothers about selling him into slavery . “ You meant evil against me ,” he told them ( Gen . 50:20 ). There was no denying it . But God did something wonderful out of all that evil : “ but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result , to preserve many people alive ” ( v . 20 ).
Step # 2 : Assess Your Hurt from God ’ s Perspective
Instead of asking , “ Why did this person do this to me ?” or “ What am I going to do to that person ?” ask , “ What is God going to do about what that person did to me ?” This isn ’ t a question to ask with an attitude of vengeance , though God might bring you justice . Rather , this is a question to ask so that good comes to you and the other person , and God is glorified . Next to John 3:16 , the most famous verse in the Bible is Romans 8:28 : “ And we know that God
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