very subtle — but the harmful effects are doing something to you beneath the surface . Many people who wrestle with addictions aren ’ t primarily facing a problem with food , shopping , porn , alcohol , or drugs . They are covering up the pain of a broken relationship and a wounded heart . When you lack peace , you try to calm an unsettled soul with all sorts of short-term remedies that mask the pain but heal nothing . And the fixes that give you artificial peace keep demanding more and more of you . You have to address the problem at its core .
You have to address the problem at its core .
Through Paul ’ s pen , God instructs us to do just that . “ Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone . If it is possible , as far as it depends on you , live at peace with everyone ” ( Romans 12:17 – 18 ). Everyone means everyone — Christians , non-Christians , family members , coworkers , supervisors , neighbors , everyone . The term for “ be careful to do ” means “ to consider .” It ’ s an accounting term , a reckoning , a thoughtful appraisal of the situation . That approach takes us out of all the “ he did this ” and “ she did that ” reasonings that go on in our minds . It enables us to see from someone else ’ s perspective and try to understand why they think they are right . Perhaps it helps us recognize that they are gifted in different ways or have a different background that informs their perspective . It puts us in a position to quit being defensive and think objectively . Understanding the situation is the necessary first step toward any kind of resolution , restitution , healing , or forgiveness .
2 . Reevaluate your expectations . Some of us got the idea somewhere in our spiritual development that Christians should never argue — that if we are really being spiritual , our relationships will always be harmonious . That means if we have a falling out with someone , that person must be unspiritual , disobedient — maybe even just bad .
“ If your network of relationships is ruptured , especially in a relationship with a family member or other member of the body of Christ , seek peace as diligently as you can . ”
In Philippians 4 , there isn ’ t a bad person creating problems for the church . We see two women who have contended for the faith and whose names are written in the Book of Life — and , as Paul may be thinking , are going to have to spend an eternity together and might as well start getting along now . But at the moment , even though they are committed Christians and God has worked through each of them , not everything is wonderful between them . That happens . We can ’ t expect that Christians will never make mistakes , offend anyone , or speak thoughtless words . We can ’ t assume Christian relationships are always smooth .
Sometimes we ’ re shocked by what other Christians do — how Christian businesspeople work , how Christian leaders lead , how Christian families get dysfunctional like other families do . Some Christians are “ rescuers ” who just want everything to get fixed , and others are
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