I believe the prayers my father prayed
Since you are the one inquiring about what to do, here are a few
suggestions
• Pray for your husband to bless and
have continued and your marriage. encourage
• Build safety into your relationship by working on your
mefriendship with he spouse.been gone for more
though your has
• Become a good listener. Learn to hear what is being said
than twenty years. help your spouse (and yourself)
and ask good questions that
explore the topic in a non-defensive way. Listen like a
friend. Do not judge. Do not make critical or tearing-down
statements. Avoid blame.
• Keep the conversation respectful. Allow for your differences.
• Restore appreciation and gratitude into the relationship.
These are things you can do even if your spouse
does not. Hopefully, it is a way of relating that you
will both engage in.
When it matters most, when someone else
seems to have power over whether or not we
achieve our dreams, or when we feel unheard or
disrespected, it is easy to hide behind silence.
Lowering our expectations somehow seems
easier than the disappointment of unmet needs
or unsatisfied desires. Still, you will have to
ask yourself, What is my part in the silence: the
conflict, avoidance, and/or lack of honesty?
At the core of your silence is something more
powerful than what you may want to admit to on
the surface.
Why is this (dream/need/desire) so important?
Why is it so hard to discuss? What level of importance should be attached
to this? If you have shared a deep need or important desire that has been
ignored or disrespected by your spouse, it will be much harder to bring it up
again. Just because you are not fighting doesn’t mean you are not distancing.
Start with the suggestions given, answer the questions asked, dig deep, and
believe God is going to partner with you in this endeavor. a
What is my
part in the
silence: the
conflict,
avoidance,
and/or lack
of honesty?
Cindy Miller lives with the love of her life, her husband Stanton,
and her spoiled rotten dog, Samson, in Columbus, New Jersey. She
is loving God and feeling particularly blessed in this season of life.
Mar/Apr 2014 • Reflections 33