Liberian Literary Magazine January Issue 0115
the time they slid out there was no need for an incubator. They were not ready to live. They were only 20 weeks old … too young to live.
Today makes it exactly two years my trippee pinkies slid out of me in a farewell slide back to their creator who knows best why it happened so.
I have held on to the memories of their sojourn inside me these two years wishing they were.
Right now I do not know which is worse off … losing them preterm, at birth or after months of suckling. One thing is sure; the death of a child no matter the age is one pain indescribable and I have had my share of it.
I have had many phantom fantasies about the life they would have lived. I have cried for them everywhere; in church, street corners, market place, kitchen …
Still the pain won’ t go away as therapeutic as crying is. I have refused to share my story for the pain of it. But the more I lock up, the more painful it gets.
I have asked God very embarrassing questions denying him a place in my heart. Thankfully, he is a God who knows our frailties and has shown mercy in place of wrath.
Gosh! I got to that point where nothing made sense- I was just hopelessly existing hiding behind the charade of a smile.
I have tried talking to a few persons about it and all they say,“ forget about it … let it go … it’ s all in the past”… like a boring cliché it is whisked off with a wink or wave.
Letting go is not as easy as people think it is or make it sound but which would you rather have … progress or regress?
So many things in life are easier said than done. Truth is until the victim finds that healing spot and heals from within … your words of counsel fall on deaf ears … they follow you back to your abode like escorts in a convoy.
This morning, just this morning, two years after, I found my healing spot … I was praying about them-weeping and talking simultaneously, gesticulating … a myriad of emotions eased off my eyes.
Then suddenly, suddenly! A song of praise accompanied by a boundless spring of joy burst forth from within – the type that makes you light and bright in one moment of gaiety … when you feel his loving arms wrapped around you soothing the pain …
Overwhelmed by the aura of his presence, I rose to my feet and started singing … I sang, I sang, I just couldn’ t stop. It was the moment I had been waiting for to let it all out! I reveled in that one moment in time. Until the healing is divine; the pain continues.
Two years today … getting over the pain # tripletsinheaven.
Ebidenyefa Tarila Nikade Author‘ Vulnerable Chronicles‘ Event MC and Compere Parenting / Teen / Sex Education Coach
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