Liberian Literary Magazine January Issue 0115
the time they slid out there was no need for an incubator . They were not ready to live . They were only 20 weeks old … too young to live .
Today makes it exactly two years my trippee pinkies slid out of me in a farewell slide back to their creator who knows best why it happened so .
I have held on to the memories of their sojourn inside me these two years wishing they were .
Right now I do not know which is worse off … losing them preterm , at birth or after months of suckling . One thing is sure ; the death of a child no matter the age is one pain indescribable and I have had my share of it .
I have had many phantom fantasies about the life they would have lived . I have cried for them everywhere ; in church , street corners , market place , kitchen …
Still the pain won ’ t go away as therapeutic as crying is . I have refused to share my story for the pain of it . But the more I lock up , the more painful it gets .
I have asked God very embarrassing questions denying him a place in my heart . Thankfully , he is a God who knows our frailties and has shown mercy in place of wrath .
Gosh ! I got to that point where nothing made sense- I was just hopelessly existing hiding behind the charade of a smile .
I have tried talking to a few persons about it and all they say , “ forget about it … let it go … it ’ s all in the past ”… like a boring cliché it is whisked off with a wink or wave .
Letting go is not as easy as people think it is or make it sound but which would you rather have … progress or regress ?
So many things in life are easier said than done . Truth is until the victim finds that healing spot and heals from within … your words of counsel fall on deaf ears … they follow you back to your abode like escorts in a convoy .
This morning , just this morning , two years after , I found my healing spot … I was praying about them-weeping and talking simultaneously , gesticulating … a myriad of emotions eased off my eyes .
Then suddenly , suddenly ! A song of praise accompanied by a boundless spring of joy burst forth from within – the type that makes you light and bright in one moment of gaiety … when you feel his loving arms wrapped around you soothing the pain …
Overwhelmed by the aura of his presence , I rose to my feet and started singing … I sang , I sang , I just couldn ’ t stop . It was the moment I had been waiting for to let it all out ! I reveled in that one moment in time . Until the healing is divine ; the pain continues .
Two years today … getting over the pain # tripletsinheaven .
Ebidenyefa Tarila Nikade Author ‘ Vulnerable Chronicles ‘ Event MC and Compere Parenting / Teen / Sex Education Coach
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