Liberian Literary Magazine January Issue 0115
what I got you or am getting you . That way , I can build my excitement and plan for it . She says I am eccentric ; well that ’ s putting it mildly , she says weird .
She is nothing like me . If I ask her , “ Hun , what do you want for this or that ?” she gives me that killer look . She believes that I should go through the whole surprise routine . I should guess , observe blah blah blah …
Now , I would not normally have a problem with that , but when it comes to women , I have never figured out what it is they want at any given time . The people change by the second . I really don ’ t get the whole guessing thing . I try to make it simple for me . I am a forgetful person . This is an understatement . This way , I can spare myself the trouble of failing to get a gift for an occasion . Lord knows I have missed one too many . So , my attitude is simple-tell me , I get it , we are all happy . I fail to see the point in going through the loops . But then again , that ’ s just me .
Somehow , I suspect she does that because that way , I get to buy an assortment of things since I don ’ t know what to get , which is exactly what I do . Somewhere in between , she will find something she loves . It ’ s a clever strategy but there ’ s no way to prove it . �
I get up and turn the volume up to the max . I blast the area with carols . After all , I am the only black expat in my small estate . I feel entitled to a stereotype this day . to show her disapproval , she tells me to get in the kitchen and fix up her stove . No sooner had I grudgingly reached the door , she turned it down and says , “ This is too loud , no one listens to music like this …”
I butt in drowning off the rest of her comment , “ You forget that I am a Liberian , weekends and on holidays , we blast our systems .” “…. but you Liberian people .” “ Precisely .” I say , “ So why are you hindering me ?”
We tend to joke a lot about stereotypes of our different people . I have seen raw shock on people ’ s faces when she says something like “ You Liberian people have nothing but big mouth . You guys are only good at talking- for nothing talk .” Needless to say that I get into defense mode and hit back at her people equally low . This joke tells me that all is well and Christmas is back on track .
I find the pieces , put them back in and thank goodness , nothing is broken . I could kiss that little girl right now . I know she would want me to clean up the kitchen whist I am at it so I take the rag and do what my dad called the lazy man ’ s work- I clear the visible area and shove the dirt between any available holes that will keep it out of site .
“ You know that is wrong right ? She is going to be mad at you . When she comes here , she will check around and clean see that .” Say the Absolutist again .
“ Gosh , I hate this guy for being so right most of the time .” I tell myself . I am riding on the moment ; they are happy out there , this is Christmas too , surely , I can get away with a few things . After accusing me wrongly this morning , she will give me a break small-and that is all I needed . I survey my work . Satisfied that everything that should not be is well out of the way , I hesitate before going back inside .
“ Do the right thing . It is always good to do the right thing .” This time , it is my conscious speaking . Unlike that rude Absolutist , she speaks softly and never mockingly I have made it a practice to listen when she says this . This is a mental check . I wish I could say that I listen all the time . I often rationalize it like this , if it is not life or death , or affecting anyone else , well , I could get a pass ; promise to do it right next time . This certainly was going to kill nobody . I struggle briefly and decide , the heck with it . I am going out there to begin my day . All I want to do is sleep for a few hours . So I go out .
They are still drowned in their presents . Baby dolls are spread over the sofa , the dining table hold the ones deemed unfit for the floor . I tip-toed my way around and stand at the entrance of the bedroom . She says , “ Are you finished already ? Are you sure ?”
“ Yes Hun , nothing is broken . I only had to put them back in .” I reply
“ What about the floor , did you clean it ?” I didn ’ t see you put any dirt in the bin . So where did you put the dirt ?”
“ There , I told you . She always gets you why do you keep trying ?” says Mr . Absolutist .
“ Dam ,” I muttered . She looks at me disapprovingly-the way she does when I swear . I am not allowed to swear at all . No exception . This is a thing she does that kills me . The guilt stares or looks . Many times , I feel it would be better if she said something , anything but give me one of them looks . But she doesn ’ t . She knows the looks work better than anything she could say .
I am like , “ Look , you can go and do whatever it is you do in the kitchen or you can waste time on me doing a sloppy work . I will do it when you are done anyways .” The truth is , I know she hates dirt , some clean freak , she will do that job and not think twice of it . That ’ s how she is ; well , that is how I am too .
She shakes her head , smiles and says , “ You ’ re just lazy .”
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