Do Your Choices Contradict Your Values ?
By Larry Deavers
july / august 2022
24
Each of us makes hundreds of decisions every day . Most are , seemingly , small , unimportant decisions that we do not give much thought to , while others are more obviously significant . Much of our decision-making process is based on long-standing habits in the way we think about ourselves , our lives , or other people . They may also be the result of behaviors that have just become “ automatic ” through routine practice . Some of the more clearly significant choices we make are based on our values , but sometimes those decisions that seem insignificant can have more longterm effects on us , and may even contradict our values . We are often unaware of that contradiction because “ That ’ s just what I ’ ve always done .”
An example of this might be holding to the value that spending time with our children is important to building their sense of self-esteem , safety and self-confidence . However , we may repeatedly sacrifice time with our children to work long hours or turn them over to an electronic babysitter ( i . e ., computer games and the internet ). We can easily justify these “ insignificant ” decisions by telling ourselves , “ I ’ m just too tired .” or “ It ’ s just for today .” Without realizing it , this can become a habit that occurs routinely , yet is contrary to what we identify as an important value .
We can fall into these same patterns of unhealthy behaviors with decisions about our relationships , our work , finances , etc . We may give into these choices that contradict what we say is important to us because it takes more effort to make a decision based on your values than on the way you feel at the time . Our emotions are often dictated by our attitude , energy level , stress or anxiety ( e . g ., over financial fears , worry over what others will think , etc .). An example of this may be when you simply don ’ t seem to be able to deny yourself a certain purchase because “ I need it just this once ” when you are trying to save money towards a bigger goal .
When we reflect on each of the decisions we make in a given day , if we are honest with ourselves , we can probably identify many times when our choices contradict our values . For me , I struggle with this conflict when it comes to managing my eating . I say I value being healthy , which requires physical activity and making wise food choices . However , many times I toss my values overboard when faced with my favorite dessert or when I “ feel ” too tired to exercise . Can you relate ?