So , why is this important ? It ’ s because when we give into our emotions time after time ( which is inevitable without intentional effort ), we develop a habit ; a default setting that becomes the path of least resistance when we are tired , stressed or anytime our self-discipline is compromised . We then may not even realize the power this habit holds over us as we give into it time and time again . The net effect is that we live our day-to-day lives in ways that conflict with the values we say are important .
Typically , we even hold onto the belief that we are living in accordance with our values while our choices and behaviors reveal just the opposite . This often means that the way we see ourselves is not the way others see us , or even the way our children see us . ( For example , you may see yourself as a calm , supportive parent , but when you frequently give in to speaking disrespectfully to your child because you feel stressed , over time , your child may see you as disrespectful , tense and angry .) This is often the reason that , once children become adults , they reject their parents values ; they see their parents as either hypocritical or simply do not see any evidence that those values have any legitimate worth .
What does this mean for parents ? This is critical when it comes passing along our values to our children . The mantra of “ Do as I say , not as I do .” rarely works , as children are much more likely to follow your example than your stated beliefs . So , consider the choices you make in the way you speak to your child , the example of patience , grace , compassion , health , self-discipline and work ethic you profess , versus what your child is seeing every day . If you want to influence your child to become an adult who lives out the values you hold , those that you are convinced will make them happier , well-balanced adults , as a parent , you have to make consistent , intentional choices that truly reflect those values , rather than giving into your emotions .
Larry Deavers is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and Executive Director of Family Counseling Service of West Alabama . www . kidslifemagazine . com
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