Building Trust with Your Child
By Larry Deavers
Building trust with your child is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship . The way you prove your character and integrity to your child is by being faithful to your word , keeping your commitments and conveying to them that they are valuable ind ividuals worthy of your time , effort and respect .
Trust is an essential part of having the kind of influence you want to have in your child ’ s life . It provides a safe environment where they feel welcomed to have honest conversations with you in the most critical moments throughout their lives , without feeling judged , criticized or dismissed .
Here are some ideas to help build a trusting relationship , whether your “ child ” is 4-years-old or 70 :
BE CONSISTENT : Consistency in your words and actions helps build reliability and a sense of security . The frantic urgency of work and life continually places unexpected demands on your time ; however , being true to your word , reliable and keeping even the smallest of your commitments to your child is essential to them respecting you and feeling a healthy respect for themselves , as well .
LISTEN ACTIVELY : Show genuine interest in your child ’ s thoughts and feelings . Listen without judgment and validate their emotions . It may be tempting to dismiss or shame a child for feeling the way they do , but a more respectful and healthy approach is to ask appropriate questions that generate a discussion with your child about their perception of things . This may give you the opportunity to respectfully share an alternative perception that can help them take a different point of view and teach them to challenge their own thinking when they feel critical towards others .
BE HONEST : Always be truthful with your child , even when it ’ s difficult . Honesty fosters trust and demonstrates respect for their intelligence . Depending on their age or your own needs for privacy , you may choose to only provide some information or to let your child know when something they ask is not appropriate for you to share , but always be honest with them . Avoid partial-truths or manipulation , which will teach your child that misleading others with your words is acceptable and will only have detrimental effects on their ability to relate to others going forward .
RESPECT THEIR BOUNDARIES : Respect your child ’ s personal space , privacy , and autonomy . Avoid prying or invading their privacy without reason . While you do need to take prudent steps to oversee and protect your child , as their age dictates , you may do a disservice to your influence with them when you readily or excessively violate healthy relationship boundaries simply because you can . When you feel the need to invade their privacy , just take a moment to reflect on whether it is necessary or whether it is just your own curiosity or need to control . may / june 2024
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APOLOGIZE WHEN NECESSARY : Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize when you ’ re wrong . This shows your child that it ’ s okay to make mistakes and that you value honesty . Some parents are afraid that this will somehow diminish their standing in their child ’ s eyes . However , recognizing your mistakes , owning them and seeking to make them right ( without making excuses ) is an essential element in gaining your child ’ s respect and equipping them with an important skill they will use the rest of their lives .
SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER : Building trust requires investing time in your relationship . Engage in activities that your child enjoys and create opportunities for open communication . Nothing can take the place of your quality ,