If You Can ’ t Be Together , Can You At Least Minimize the Hurt ?
5-Steps To Co-Exist After A Breakup
We or they are not bad , evil , incompetent or inadequate when the relationship ends . Not . Necessarily . The very measure of a good relationship is usually determined by how much it encourages intellectual , emotional , mental and spiritual growth . Therefore , if our relationship becomes destructive , dangerous , depressing , lacks growth and development , demoralizes or causes us to chip away at our human dignity , it ’ s been time to end it ! We aren ’ t for everyone and everyone is definitely not for us . However , not all breakups are considered failed relationships .
So , the real question becomes , how do we or can we minimize the hurt and find a way to co-exist . I don ’ t mean co-exist with your previous mate , necessarily . I mean on earth ! In life ! In new relationships , with new partners ! Within ! Without ! Emotionally . Mentally . Spiritually ? How do you exist and how do you support a space for new partners to exist ?
For many of us , this is NOT an easy task . Any significant relationship that ends causes discomfort of some kind . For most of us relationships are a major source of daily stimulation , curiosity , eagerness , adventure , support , love and openness . We all can agree that relationships do matter and that intimacy is necessary to sustain a good , fulfilling , happy , productive life . A loving touch , interactions of laughter , silence and tons of other highly needed stimuli brings physical , psychological and mental wellness .
There simply is no BEing or Becoming without relationships . In a real sense , we all spend our entire existence interweaving one relationship into another until we ultimately catch ourselves up in giant webs . After a breakup , how do you exist and how do you support a space for new partners to exist ? Lots of us have learned , from experience , that our inability and / or refusal to live in harmony after a break-up has been responsible for some of our greatest fears , phobias , anxieties , feelings of sadness , anger , other failed relationships , resentment , isolation and in some cases , mental illness .
Again , after a breakup , how do you exist and how do you support a space for new partners to exist ? Here are 5-Steps that I ’ ve found to help co-exist after a break-up . The steps are not designed to go in any particular order but they must be at least addressed and considered . But first , before we delve into this short list , do understand that I am only referring to relationships which have ended with some amount of pain due to the breakup and not necessarily dangerous , domestically violent , abusive or extreme drama-filled break-ups which have cause significant suffering . Nope . Not . At . All . Although some of these approaches may work , in this account , I ’ m referring to those relationships which have just ran its course and both parties have , maybe not initially , but eventually decided to part ways . Extreme breakup circumstances with violence and abuse WILL definitely require some serious support services and healing . We ’ ll discuss that during another submission . For now , please take a read and let me know what ya think . Love . Light . Peace & Power .
Step # 1- Watch your words ! For each word we use to describe our relationships and the break-up of those relationships , we also attach emotional meaning and content to them . This is how we feel about what our words represent to us . Watch your words . Choose . Wisely . The words we use determine our belief system and our actions . You gotta be careful about the words you use and not have them use you ! Wellness comes from within and communicated love and warmth helps bring it forth .
Step # 2- Respect Silence ! Alternatives for problem solving , creativity , thinking , strategizing , remembering , moving forward , as well as your spiritual , mental and emotional needs are most often realized and heard loud and clear during moments of silence . Spend time , regularly , in total silence .
Step # 3- Be honest and truthful ! Dishonesty is one of the primary determinants of a failed relationship that leads to a break up . Now that the relationship has ended , it ’ s really time to get honest with yourself about your role in its entirety and be truthful of all of your contributions to the relationship both good and bad . A healthy , lasting relationship must be based on honesty and truth . If you ’ re looking to the future for a fulfilling relationship , now would be the time to get straight with yourself about your last one !
Step # 4- Determine if you were loving under certain conditions ! Love doesn ’ t supposed to keep a record of wrongs . Easier said than done , I get it ! We all have a need to learn from our wrongs and other ’ s wrong-doings allow us to ultimately become wiser . Let the wrongs go and move forward . Unless you were , at any point during the relationship , unable to forgive and forget the past , you ’ ve never been truly free of its power to reawaken the hate and pain that those past wrongdoings have caused . When a new wrong erupted , all the previous ones re-surfaced . Were you loving only under certain conditions , disguising your overall hurt , hate , anger and pain ?
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