sexual energy, I was in a
supervision session in grad
school with one of my
mentors. She shared with me
that her own romantic
relationship had become
fairly unsexual over the
years, and went on to explain
that she had found a way to
sublimate her still-strong
sexual energy into making
art. The benefit of
sublimation, a high-level
defense mechanism, is that
you can choose to sublimate
sexual energy into whichever
behaviors turn you on, so to
speak. For some, it may be
art; for others, it may be
woodworking, exercising,
making music, or writing. It's
important to note that all of
the behaviors I'm suggesting
actually produce a tangible
result, so the mental energy
isn't wasted on feelings of
frustration, sadness, or anger.
Bottom line: If you have
decided that you want to stay
with your partner for the long
haul, despite the difference in
JOY FEELINGS MAG!
sexual interest, sublimation
of your sexual energy is one
of the healthiest ways to
manage your sexual thoughts
and feelings.
Consider ending the
relationship.
As a therapist, I'm hardpressed to believe that ending
a relationship for sexual
reasons is a good idea. Given
that the are so many
alternatives (sublimating the
energy, changing the
parameters of monogamy,
and compromise), my hope is
that couples find a way to
keep the good parts of the
relationship rather than throw
it away. Yet I also know the
reality, that sometimes the
dynamic between a couple
gets tarnished to the point
that going separate ways is
worth considering. If you and
your partner have tried hard and tried many different ways
- to compensate for the
difference in your sexual