Interview
16
-come increasingly brutal and actually serve to undermine the character development of participants. In professional sports, bounties have actually been offered for hurting a quarterback or injuring an all-star player. If winning is the only objective, then such practices are strategic and smart. One might even be considered to be a hero if the team is victorious.
What is important is that we have more coaches, parents, and school leaders who recognize the opportunity competitive sport presents for building character in young people. When competitive sport is repurposed to help participants become stronger, more character-driven people, everything changes. When all stresses, setbacks, injuries, cheating opponents, joys and disappointments are leveraged to build strengths in integrity, respect for others, positivity, honesty, sportsmanship, humility and teamwork, something extraordinary happens. When who you are becoming as a consequence of the chase to win becomes more important than the win itself, athletes completely get it and start growing in entirely different ways. Sports can be an exciting vehicle for building strength of character but research also confirms it can also serve to undermine them. Getting the prime purpose right for sports is the key to both healthy development and sustained high level performance. Stronger, healthier people of great character make better competitors and win more over time.
We have a tennis academy here in Orlando and all players must subscribe to our mission statement to be enrolled in the program. It reads, ‘At this academy, we use the demands and stress of elite tennis to most importantly help you become strong, resilient people of great character. We care about your tennis but we care more about who you are becoming because of tennis. Our most important imperative at this academy is winning with character. Every day represents another opportunity to grow in self-control, respect for others, persistence, positivity, and trustworthiness. No matter how far you go as a player, if you use tennis to strengthen your character, tennis will always be a priceless gift.’
This repurposing causes a dynamic shift in how young people perceive the forces of competition and how they interact with them. When athletes feel good about their growth as persons, when they feel they are developing strengths of personal character, it frees them up inside and powerfully stimulates intrinsic motivation. It also releases amazing creativity and resiliency. We have a certification program that teaches coaches how to adopt this kind of mindset. It’s a paradigm shift that is difficult for many coaches, as they have been brought up with the mentality that winning is everything and that it is the only thing that ultimately defines their coaching competency.”
Schweyer: “I think you’re saying that ‘winning’ in this context is for yourself, so that you have fewer regrets. Not necessarily that by being a nice guy you will be more likely to win the actual match or whatever the sporting, business, or other thing is that you’re competing to win. Is that right?”
Loehr: “You’re correct. I’ve been in this space for more than 30 years and I’ve worked with 16 number ‘ones’ in the world. No matter how much winning has occurred, athletes can never escape the reality of their real character at the end of their lives. If you cheated your way to the top, if you compromised your values and ethics to get there – was the damage to your character worth it? In the end, all you have left is the truth of who you really are.
We start kids as young as eight or nine and ask them to examine the purpose for working so hard and what they wish to achieve through sports. We ask them to describe when they are most proud of who they are – their ‘Best Selves.’ What happens is magical. Eventually they realize that the ultimate goal of sport isn’t just to win, but ‘how’ they win that matters. Winning with character and losing with character becomes the ultimate standard for real success. Equally exciting is the fact that they become better competitors in the process. They choke less because they are not afraid to lose. Losing simply drives more learning and character development.”
Schweyer: “In the book you reference research that suggests most elite athletes would literally die to achieve their goals. Can you explain?”
Loehr: “It’s called the Golden Dilemma. Dr. Goldman did a 10-year survey with responses from top athletes, many of whom were Olympians. Over half admitted they would be willing to cheat to get to the top by taking a powerful drug, even if they were sure to die from it in five years. This is striking but true. Every kid is being conditioned to believe that life is all about winning, and it is very powerful. Breaking this is no easy task because coaches and parents are equally caught up in it. I think people would be shocked at how powerful the indoctrination is. We're conditioned to believe that the pathway to a