Interview
14
The Only Way to Win
Dr. Jim Loehr is a world-renowned performance psychologist, and author of the national bestsellers: “The Only Way to Win: How Building Character Drives Higher Achievement and Greater Fulfilment in Business and Life.” and ‘The Power of Full Engagement- Managing Energy, not Time, is the key to High Performance and Personal Renewal’ (co-author). Dr. Loehr appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show where an entire program was devoted to his ground-breaking Energy Management training system and concepts. He has also appeared on NBC’s Today Show, ABC’s Nightline with Ted Koppel, The CBS Evening News with Dan Rather and CBS Morning News. Dr. Loehr’s work has been chronicled in leading national publications including the Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, US News and World Report, Success, Fast Company and Omni.
Allan Schweyer: Dr. Loehr, I’ve become familiar with your many books, as well as with the success of the Human Performance Institute. It is a treat to have you with us today. I'm interested in knowing what people think about “winning”, so I conducted an informal poll among some of our members to see whether they think the “nice guy” actually finishes last. About 25 percent say that nice guys mostly lose, but about 30 percent say they win more often than not. The rest say they sometimes win and they sometimes lose. There seems to be a split across the board. Does that surprise you?
Dr. Loehr: “There are a lot of myths out there around what it takes to be a great competitor and what it takes to really excel. Coaches, players, and parents have been indoctrinated into believing that if you’re going to be competitively successful, you have to possess an assassin’s mentality. You’ll do best when you have an absolute commitment to annihilating your opponent. The more you can create a sense of hatred or build them up as the enemy; chances are you’ll do much better.
That myth has been perpetuated for a very long time, yet we see increasing evidence that this belief is not a prerequisite for being an extraordinarily powerful and successful competitor. What you have to be able to do is control the process that enables you to perform at your best, and that has little to do with demonizing or hating your opponent. It has more to do with your ability to control those internal processes associated with achieving your ideal performance state in competition. Many people are operating under the ‘must hate my opponent’ assumption and it is really tragic because it has many unfortunate unintended consequences.”
Schweyer: “You load your book with examples of organizations and groups that compromise their character and their values to earn fleeting success. You cite research showing that almost all high school and college students admit to cheating. Eighty-five (85%) percent of adults admit to lying on resumes, and doping in elite sports is considered widespread and too big to manage. It seems that organizations, politicians, investment managers, and elected leaders lie to us all the time, but is this anything new? Are we worse now than we were 50 years ago?”
Loehr: “The world has changed very clearly. The opportunities for building character strengths are becoming more and more challenging to find. Kids have limited time with parents as so often both are working. They spend a lot of time in front of screens of all types, and in that exposure, kids are presented with countless temptations. They see superstar athletes with all the fame, all the glory, great cars, the great parties, all the fantasies and benefits from being a super achiever. It’s easy to get caught up in that dream world but what happens when one realizes his or her life is not moving in that direction? You clearly want what they have but it’s not happening in the real world in which you live. When fame, money, privilege and the like become the criteria for a successful life, trouble is not far behind.
First, you place the success of your life in something you have little or no control over. And, second, even if you were to reach your goals, research shows that little enduring satisfaction or fulfillment will result.
What is needed is a deeper dive into the purpose of