Jewish Life Digital Edition February 2013 | Page 22

FEATURE

LIFE AND LOVE AFTER
DIVORCE
DIVORCE DOESN’T HAVE TO TAKE
PLACE IN ISOLATION. HELP IS AT HAND

W

HILE RESEARCHING THIS TOPIC I
kept bumping up against an
intriguing reality: preparing
for a marriage that won’t
(PG) end in divorce is very
similar to recovering from one that has. If
that sounds bizarre, consider for a moment
the endless journey toward self-discovery,
relationship wisdom, communication skills
and financial management necessary for a
healthy marriage. In a failed relationship,
the path to healing is through mastering
those very same life skills.
Divorce, of course, has an additional,

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ISSUE 59

devastating component and that is the
enormous sense of loss that invariably
accompanies it. Like death, coming to terms
with divorce is a process. Most people need
to navigate their way through the cycle of
grief and pain made famous by Elizabeth
Kubler Ross’ five steps: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance.
The bad news is that this is a dynamic
process and these steps may be revisited at
different stages in your life. When that
happens and you think, “Oh no, I thought I
had graduated beyond this point,” be kind
to yourself. The experts tell us it’s quite

normal and you deserve all the understanding and patience you would give to others.
The good news is that there’s lots of help
out there. Apart from individual counselling
and divorce mediation sessions, the Chev’s
Community Services division also runs regular support courses (usually eight weekly
sessions) on a wide range of issues. These
include Parenting, Single Moms and an
excellent Divorce Support Group, facilitated
by senior social worker Sheila Furman.
“The ultimate in resolution of the process
of loss is acceptance,” says Sheila, “because
arriving at that point is liberating and frees

PHOTOGRAPHS: BIGSTOCKPHOTO

BY TZIVIA GRAUMAN