SERIES
PROJECT SHALOM
Learning from a
LEADER
Helping to heal – things
to consider when visiting
the sick
RABBI
GOLDFEIN OFTEN
EMPHASISED THAT
THE TRUE
PURPOSE OF
VISITING THE SICK
IS TO INVESTIGATE
THEIR NEEDS AND
TO BE RESPONSIVE
TO WHAT THEY
REQUIRE.
MY LATE FATHER-IN-LAW, RABBI AZRIEL CHAIM
Goldfein, ztzl, in whose memory this series is dedicated, was a great spiritual
teacher. He taught not only through his
words but also through his actions and
ways of being. I was privileged to witness
his many virtuous qualities that showed
both in his public and private behaviour. A
very moving incident occurred in his last
days, as he was lying in a hospital bed. This
vignette spoke eloquently about the greatness in true goodness and humility.
A lady from Bikkur Cholim walked into
the room and presented this great Rosh Yeshiva with a prayer card, a pen and a chocolate. I felt somewhat startled and bemused
about how he was going to deal with this
almost comically absurd situation. Here in
56 JEWISH LIFE QISSUE 87
the bed was the teacher to whom everybody turned for guidance, comfort and
counsel, faced with a well-intentioned person who had unwittingly walked into a potentially awkward situation.
True to his humility and generosity of
spirit, my father-in-law responded to the
lady as if he was an ordinary sick person.
He told her in his warm, loving way how
deeply he appreciated her kindness and
concern. He went on to say how important
it is for her to continue her most necessary
and valuable work. He thanked her for the
comfort that she had brought to him.
The Rosh Yeshiva consistently saw only
the good in people. I witnessed him many
times being on the receiving end of people’s seemingly unreasonable expecta-
tions, demands or self-serving agendas.
He had the incredible skill of seeing people the way they most wanted to be seen.
He seemed to notice only the characteristics by which they preferred to be defined.
He never considered hidden agendas or
insincerity on the part of others.
People just want to be loved and accepted for who they are. They may play games
or put on false fronts in order to evoke
love and acceptance. What I learned from
my father-in-law is that when dealing with
challenging people, it’s more important to
be kind than to be clever. I also learned
that givers give even when they are taking,
and takers take even when they are giving.
Rabbi Goldfein said in a private conversation how important it is, when visiting
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BY LEONARD CARR