Gary ’ s Grins By GARY NEWBORE
A perfectionist walked into a bar . Apparently , it wasn ’ t set high enough .
A police car lost its wheels to a thief . The cops are working tirelessly to find the suspect .
If you have to wear both a mask and glasses , you may be entitled to condensation .
I sued the airline over losing my luggage . I lost my case .
Where there ’ s a will , there ’ s a relative .
My relationship with whiskey is on the rocks .
Never iron a four-leaf clover . You don ’ t want to press your luck .
Water is heavier than butane because butane is a lighter fluid .
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally .
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered .
Terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty , but he had a great fall .
Huge fight at the local diner . Battered fish everywhere .
Whenever I try to eat healthy , a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers .
Despite the high cost of living , it remains very popular .
After my friend turned vegan , it was like I ’ d never seen herbivore . Life without music would b flat . The four seasons are all different .
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Summer warmer than others . Reading while sunbathing makes you well red . A book hit my head and I ’ ve only my shelf to blame . Bull dozer : Someone who sleeps through political speeches . Underwear thief caught , admits to brief crime spree . She only made whiskey , but he loved her still .
Lance is a very uncommon name these days , but in medieval times people were called Lance a lot .
Laxatives give you a good run for your money .
Eat alphabet soup . Have a vowel movement .
A hole has been found in a nudist camp wall . The police are looking into it .
No matter how much you push the envelope , it will be stationery .
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road . She was cited for littering .
Nine out of 10 dentists say that brushing alone won ’ t prevent cavities . So now I ’ m looking for someone to brush with .
What did the cow say to the calf ? It ’ s pasture bedtime . I ’ m not fat . I ’ m just easier to see . A blonde in her freshman year at the university , while sitting in her US government class , was asked by her professor if she knew what the Roe vs . Wade decision was about . She pondered this for a moment and finally said “ I think that is the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware .”
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EPPS ■ From Page A20
grooming needs , sanitation supplies ( litter / plastic bags ), ID tags , microchip documentation and any other records .
■ Suitable crate / kennel
■ Have your pet microchipped ! Pets can get lost in disasters , and a microchip is easy for your vet to place and gives peace of mind .
■ A photo of you with your pet ( for re-unification )
■ Consider having a note for responders indicating that your pet has a “ Go-Bag ” and its location .
■ Consider creating a veterinary treatment authorization , indicating your wishes for treatment in your absence . Keep it in the pet Go-Bag and with any friends or neighbors that would care for your furry friend in your absence .
■ The ASPCA has a free sticker set for placement on your home alerting rescue workers to pets who may be inside : https :// secure . aspca . org / take-action / pet-safety-pack .
If you and your pets are displaced
Whenever a storm or disaster is expected , bring your pets inside . Unfortunately , most disaster shelters will not take pets . If roads are accessible , have a plan to house your pets with relatives or friends . Have a list of hotels or shelters that may be nearby to house you and are pet-friendly . Also , get to know your neighbors as they may be able to assist with pet care temporarily .
If you would like more information , the Red Cross link above is a good source . Ready . gov also has a pet preparedness section : https :// www . ready . gov / pets . Lastly , the American Veterinary Medical Association ( AVMA ) also has some outstanding recommendations . You can see more at https :// www . avma . org / resources-tools / pet-owners / emergency-care / pets-and-disasters .
Sue Swanson for EPPS : nurseswan @ aol . com .
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Sunshine ■ From Page A19
or maybe never used at all . We also appreciate a small donation when you borrow things so that we have backup dollars to replace items . I ’ m constantly searching to see what has been invented that we could use for your comfort ! The knee-scooters are a perfect example of that , constantly in use for people with ankle or foot surgeries . They are very expensive and we now own four !
A client recently shared with me that when they spoke with their surgeon about upcoming surgery , and mentioned that they live in Charbonneau , the doctor was thrilled because he knew how much we help our residents have a complete recovery ! Meridian Park and other local clinics and nursing homes know all about Sunshine and that makes me very proud of what we do .
One last thing before I wish you all a Happy New Year — please , please return your equipment according to the terms with which you borrowed them . Approximately two months is about all we can support because so many residents can only share limited items . After that , we suggest you purchase , or rent , what you need . I ’ m not comfortable having to phone you and ask you to return things , so help me out and do it on your own ! Obviously there is some leeway in our rules so just call to discuss your issue .
Happy New Year and good wishes for a healthy year ahead .
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