CHAPTER XXXIV 500
" I want you to give up German and learn Hindostanee ."
" You are not in earnest ?" " In such earnest that I must have it so : and I will tell you why ."
He then went on to explain that Hindostanee was the language he was himself at present studying ; that , as he advanced , he was apt to forget the commencement ; that it would assist him greatly to have a pupil with whom he might again and again go over the elements , and so fix them thoroughly in his mind ; that his choice had hovered for some time between me and his sisters ; but that he had fixed on me because he saw I could sit at a task the longest of the three . Would I do him this favour ? I should not , perhaps , have to make the sacrifice long , as it wanted now barely three months to his departure .
St . John was not a man to be lightly refused : you felt that every impression made on him , either for pain or pleasure , was deep-graved and permanent . I consented . When Diana and Mary returned , the former found her scholar transferred from her to her brother : she laughed , and both she and Mary agreed that St . John should never have persuaded them to such a step . He answered quietly -
" I know it ."
I found him a very patient , very forbearing , and yet an exacting master : he expected me to do a great deal ; and when I fulfilled his expectations , he , in his own way , fully testified his approbation . By degrees , he acquired a certain influence over me that took away my liberty of mind : his praise and notice were more restraining than his indifference . I could no longer talk or laugh freely when he was by , because a tiresomely importunate instinct reminded me that vivacity ( at least in me ) was distasteful to him . I was so fully aware that only serious moods and occupations were acceptable , that in his presence every effort to sustain or follow any other became vain : I fell under a freezing spell . When he said " go ," I went ; " come ," I came ; " do this ," I did it . But I did not love my servitude : I wished , many a time , he