CHAPTER XXXII 462
feelings bud and bloom under the ray . At this period of my life , my heart far oftener swelled with thankfulness than sank with dejection : and yet , reader , to tell you all , in the midst of this calm , this useful existence -- after a day passed in honourable exertion amongst my scholars , an evening spent in drawing or reading contentedly alone -- I used to rush into strange dreams at night : dreams many-coloured , agitated , full of the ideal , the stirring , the stormy -- dreams where , amidst unusual scenes , charged with adventure , with agitating risk and romantic chance , I still again and again met Mr . Rochester , always at some exciting crisis ; and then the sense of being in his arms , hearing his voice , meeting his eye , touching his hand and cheek , loving him , being loved by him -- the hope of passing a lifetime at his side , would be renewed , with all its first force and fire . Then I awoke . Then I recalled where I was , and how situated . Then I rose up on my curtainless bed , trembling and quivering ; and then the still , dark night witnessed the convulsion of despair , and heard the burst of passion . By nine o ' clock the next morning I was punctually opening the school ; tranquil , settled , prepared for the steady duties of the day .
Rosamond Oliver kept her word in coming to visit me . Her call at the school was generally made in the course of her morning ride . She would canter up to the door on her pony , followed by a mounted livery servant . Anything more exquisite than her appearance , in her purple habit , with her Amazon ' s cap of black velvet placed gracefully above the long curls that kissed her cheek and floated to her shoulders , can scarcely be imagined : and it was thus she would enter the rustic building , and glide through the dazzled ranks of the village children . She generally came at the hour when Mr . Rivers was engaged in giving his daily catechising lesson . Keenly , I fear , did the eye of the visitress pierce the young pastor ' s heart . A sort of instinct seemed to warn him of her entrance , even when he did not see it ; and when he was looking quite away from the door , if she appeared at it , his cheek would glow , and his marble- seeming features , though they refused to relax , changed indescribably , and in their very quiescence became expressive of a repressed fervour , stronger than working muscle or darting glance could indicate .