CHAPTER XXXI 452
CHAPTER XXXI
My home , then , when I at last find a home , -- is a cottage ; a little room with whitewashed walls and a sanded floor , containing four painted chairs and a table , a clock , a cupboard , with two or three plates and dishes , and a set of tea-things in delf . Above , a chamber of the same dimensions as the kitchen , with a deal bedstead and chest of drawers ; small , yet too large to be filled with my scanty wardrobe : though the kindness of my gentle and generous friends has increased that , by a modest stock of such things as are necessary .
It is evening . I have dismissed , with the fee of an orange , the little orphan who serves me as a handmaid . I am sitting alone on the hearth . This morning , the village school opened . I had twenty scholars . But three of the number can read : none write or cipher . Several knit , and a few sew a little . They speak with the broadest accent of the district . At present , they and I have a difficulty in understanding each other ' s language . Some of them are unmannered , rough , intractable , as well as ignorant ; but others are docile , have a wish to learn , and evince a disposition that pleases me . I must not forget that these coarsely-clad little peasants are of flesh and blood as good as the scions of gentlest genealogy ; and that the germs of native excellence , refinement , intelligence , kind feeling , are as likely to exist in their hearts as in those of the best-born . My duty will be to develop these germs : surely I shall find some happiness in discharging that office . Much enjoyment I do not expect in the life opening before me : yet it will , doubtless , if I regulate my mind , and exert my powers as I ought , yield me enough to live on from day to day .
Was I very gleeful , settled , content , during the hours I passed in yonder bare , humble schoolroom this morning and afternoon ? Not to deceive myself , I must reply -- No : I felt desolate to a degree . I felt -- yes , idiot that I am -- I felt degraded . I doubted I had taken a step which sank instead of raising me in the scale of social existence . I was weakly dismayed at the ignorance , the poverty , the coarseness of all I heard and saw round me . But let me not hate and despise myself too much for these feelings ; I know them to be wrong -- that is a great step gained ; I shall strive to overcome