CHAPTER XXVIII 407
Some time passed before I felt tranquil even here : I had a vague dread that wild cattle might be near , or that some sportsman or poacher might discover me . If a gust of wind swept the waste , I looked up , fearing it was the rush of a bull ; if a plover whistled , I imagined it a man . Finding my apprehensions unfounded , however , and calmed by the deep silence that reigned as evening declined at nightfall , I took confidence . As yet I had not thought ; I had only listened , watched , dreaded ; now I regained the faculty of reflection .
What was I to do ? Where to go ? Oh , intolerable questions , when I could do nothing and go nowhere ! -- when a long way must yet be measured by my weary , trembling limbs before I could reach human habitation -- when cold charity must be entreated before I could get a lodging : reluctant sympathy importuned , almost certain repulse incurred , before my tale could be listened to , or one of my wants relieved !
I touched the heath , it was dry , and yet warm with the beat of the summer day . I looked at the sky ; it was pure : a kindly star twinkled just above the chasm ridge . The dew fell , but with propitious softness ; no breeze whispered . Nature seemed to me benign and good ; I thought she loved me , outcast as I was ; and I , who from man could anticipate only mistrust , rejection , insult , clung to her with filial fondness . To-night , at least , I would be her guest , as I was her child : my mother would lodge me without money and without price . I had one morsel of bread yet : the remnant of a roll I had bought in a town we passed through at noon with a stray penny -- my last coin . I saw ripe bilberries gleaming here and there , like jet beads in the heath : I gathered a handful and ate them with the bread . My hunger , sharp before , was , if not satisfied , appeased by this hermit ' s meal . I said my evening prayers at its conclusion , and then chose my couch .
Beside the crag the heath was very deep : when I lay down my feet were buried in it ; rising high on each side , it left only a narrow space for the night-air to invade . I folded my shawl double , and spread it over me for a coverlet ; a low , mossy swell was my pillow . Thus lodged , I was not , at least -- at the commencement of the night , cold .