CHAPTER XXVII 397
to you with a strong attachment . I think you good , gifted , lovely : a fervent , a solemn passion is conceived in my heart ; it leans to you , draws you to my centre and spring of life , wraps my existence about you , and , kindling in pure , powerful flame , fuses you and me in one .
" It was because I felt and knew this , that I resolved to marry you . To tell me that I had already a wife is empty mockery : you know now that I had but a hideous demon . I was wrong to attempt to deceive you ; but I feared a stubbornness that exists in your character . I feared early instilled prejudice : I wanted to have you safe before hazarding confidences . This was cowardly : I should have appealed to your nobleness and magnanimity at first , as I do now -- opened to you plainly my life of agony -- described to you my hunger and thirst after a higher and worthier existence -- shown to you , not my RESOLUTION ( that word is weak ), but my resistless BENT to love faithfully and well , where I am faithfully and well loved in return . Then I should have asked you to accept my pledge of fidelity and to give me yours . Jane -- give it me now ."
A pause . " Why are you silent , Jane ?"
I was experiencing an ordeal : a hand of fiery iron grasped my vitals . Terrible moment : full of struggle , blackness , burning ! Not a human being that ever lived could wish to be loved better than I was loved ; and him who thus loved me I absolutely worshipped : and I must renounce love and idol . One drear word comprised my intolerable duty -- " Depart !"
" Jane , you understand what I want of you ? Just this promise -- ' I will be yours , Mr . Rochester .'"
" Mr . Rochester , I will NOT be yours ." Another long silence .