CHAPTER XXV 348
CHAPTER XXV
The month of courtship had wasted : its very last hours were being numbered . There was no putting off the day that advanced -- the bridal day ; and all preparations for its arrival were complete . I , at least , had nothing more to do : there were my trunks , packed , locked , corded , ranged in a row along the wall of my little chamber ; to-morrow , at this time , they would be far on their road to London : and so should I ( D . V .), -- or rather , not I , but one Jane Rochester , a person whom as yet I knew not . The cards of address alone remained to nail on : they lay , four little squares , in the drawer . Mr . Rochester had himself written the direction , " Mrs . Rochester , -- Hotel , London ," on each : I could not persuade myself to affix them , or to have them affixed . Mrs . Rochester ! She did not exist : she would not be born till to-morrow , some time after eight o ' clock a . m .; and I would wait to be assured she had come into the world alive before I assigned to her all that property . It was enough that in yonder closet , opposite my dressing-table , garments said to be hers had already displaced my black stuff Lowood frock and straw bonnet : for not to me appertained that suit of wedding raiment ; the pearl-coloured robe , the vapoury veil pendent from the usurped portmanteau . I shut the closet to conceal the strange , wraith-like apparel it contained ; which , at this evening hour -- nine o ' clock -- gave out certainly a most ghostly shimmer through the shadow of my apartment . " I will leave you by yourself , white dream ," I said . " I am feverish : I hear the wind blowing : I will go out of doors and feel it ."
It was not only the hurry of preparation that made me feverish ; not only the anticipation of the great change -- the new life which was to commence to-morrow : both these circumstances had their share , doubtless , in producing that restless , excited mood which hurried me forth at this late hour into the darkening grounds : but a third cause influenced my mind more than they .
I had at heart a strange and anxious thought . Something had happened which I could not comprehend ; no one knew of or had seen the event but myself : it had taken place the preceding night . Mr . Rochester that night was absent from home ; nor was he yet returned : business had called him to a