CHAPTER IV 34
seeing them descend to the drawing-room , dressed out in thin muslin frocks and scarlet sashes , with hair elaborately ringletted ; and afterwards , in listening to the sound of the piano or the harp played below , to the passing to and fro of the butler and footman , to the jingling of glass and china as refreshments were handed , to the broken hum of conversation as the drawing-room door opened and closed . When tired of this occupation , I would retire from the stairhead to the solitary and silent nursery : there , though somewhat sad , I was not miserable . To speak truth , I had not the least wish to go into company , for in company I was very rarely noticed ; and if Bessie had but been kind and companionable , I should have deemed it a treat to spend the evenings quietly with her , instead of passing them under the formidable eye of Mrs . Reed , in a room full of ladies and gentlemen . But Bessie , as soon as she had dressed her young ladies , used to take herself off to the lively regions of the kitchen and housekeeper ' s room , generally bearing the candle along with her . I then sat with my doll on my knee till the fire got low , glancing round occasionally to make sure that nothing worse than myself haunted the shadowy room ; and when the embers sank to a dull red , I undressed hastily , tugging at knots and strings as I best might , and sought shelter from cold and darkness in my crib . To this crib I always took my doll ; human beings must love something , and , in the dearth of worthier objects of affection , I contrived to find a pleasure in loving and cherishing a faded graven image , shabby as a miniature scarecrow . It puzzles me now to remember with what absurd sincerity I doated on this little toy , half fancying it alive and capable of sensation . I could not sleep unless it was folded in my night-gown ; and when it lay there safe and warm , I was comparatively happy , believing it to be happy likewise .
Long did the hours seem while I waited the departure of the company , and listened for the sound of Bessie ' s step on the stairs : sometimes she would come up in the interval to seek her thimble or her scissors , or perhaps to bring me something by way of supper -- a bun or a cheese-cake -- then she would sit on the bed while I ate it , and when I had finished , she would tuck the clothes round me , and twice she kissed me , and said , " Good night , Miss Jane ." When thus gentle , Bessie seemed to me the best , prettiest , kindest being in the world ; and I wished most intensely that she would always be