CHAPTER XXI 302
perhaps ," she murmured to herself : " and then I may get better ; and to humble myself so to her is painful ."
She made an effort to alter her position , but failed : her face changed ; she seemed to experience some inward sensation -- the precursor , perhaps , of the last pang .
" Well , I must get it over . Eternity is before me : I had better tell her . -- Go to my dressing-case , open it , and take out a letter you will see there ."
I obeyed her directions . " Read the letter ," she said . It was short , and thus conceived : -
" Madam , -- Will you have the goodness to send me the address of my niece , Jane Eyre , and to tell me how she is ? It is my intention to write shortly and desire her to come to me at Madeira . Providence has blessed my endeavours to secure a competency ; and as I am unmarried and childless , I wish to adopt her during my life , and bequeath her at my death whatever I may have to leave . -- I am , Madam , & c ., & c .,
" JOHN EYRE , Madeira ." It was dated three years back . " Why did I never hear of this ?" I asked .
" Because I disliked you too fixedly and thoroughly ever to lend a hand in lifting you to prosperity . I could not forget your conduct to me , Jane -- the fury with which you once turned on me ; the tone in which you declared you abhorred me the worst of anybody in the world ; the unchildlike look and voice with which you affirmed that the very thought of me made you sick , and asserted that I had treated you with miserable cruelty . I could not forget my own sensations when you thus started up and poured out the venom of your mind : I felt fear as if an animal that I had struck or pushed had looked up at me with human eyes and cursed me in a man ' s voice . -- Bring me