CHAPTER XIV 172
I read as much in your eye ( beware , by-the-bye , what you express with that organ ; I am quick at interpreting its language ). Then take my word for it , -- I am not a villain : you are not to suppose that -- not to attribute to me any such bad eminence ; but , owing , I verily believe , rather to circumstances than to my natural bent , I am a trite commonplace sinner , hackneyed in all the poor petty dissipations with which the rich and worthless try to put on life . Do you wonder that I avow this to you ? Know , that in the course of your future life you will often find yourself elected the involuntary confidant of your acquaintances ' secrets : people will instinctively find out , as I have done , that it is not your forte to tell of yourself , but to listen while others talk of themselves ; they will feel , too , that you listen with no malevolent scorn of their indiscretion , but with a kind of innate sympathy ; not the less comforting and encouraging because it is very unobtrusive in its manifestations ."
" How do you know ? -- how can you guess all this , sir ?"
" I know it well ; therefore I proceed almost as freely as if I were writing my thoughts in a diary . You would say , I should have been superior to circumstances ; so I should -- so I should ; but you see I was not . When fate wronged me , I had not the wisdom to remain cool : I turned desperate ; then I degenerated . Now , when any vicious simpleton excites my disgust by his paltry ribaldry , I cannot flatter myself that I am better than he : I am forced to confess that he and I are on a level . I wish I had stood firm -- God knows I do ! Dread remorse when you are tempted to err , Miss Eyre ; remorse is the poison of life ."
" Repentance is said to be its cure , sir ."
" It is not its cure . Reformation may be its cure ; and I could reform -- I have strength yet for that -- if -- but where is the use of thinking of it , hampered , burdened , cursed as I am ? Besides , since happiness is irrevocably denied me , I have a right to get pleasure out of life : and I WILL get it , cost what it may ."
" Then you will degenerate still more , sir ."