CHAPTER XIV 172
I read as much in your eye( beware, by-the-bye, what you express with that organ; I am quick at interpreting its language). Then take my word for it,-- I am not a villain: you are not to suppose that-- not to attribute to me any such bad eminence; but, owing, I verily believe, rather to circumstances than to my natural bent, I am a trite commonplace sinner, hackneyed in all the poor petty dissipations with which the rich and worthless try to put on life. Do you wonder that I avow this to you? Know, that in the course of your future life you will often find yourself elected the involuntary confidant of your acquaintances ' secrets: people will instinctively find out, as I have done, that it is not your forte to tell of yourself, but to listen while others talk of themselves; they will feel, too, that you listen with no malevolent scorn of their indiscretion, but with a kind of innate sympathy; not the less comforting and encouraging because it is very unobtrusive in its manifestations."
" How do you know?-- how can you guess all this, sir?"
" I know it well; therefore I proceed almost as freely as if I were writing my thoughts in a diary. You would say, I should have been superior to circumstances; so I should-- so I should; but you see I was not. When fate wronged me, I had not the wisdom to remain cool: I turned desperate; then I degenerated. Now, when any vicious simpleton excites my disgust by his paltry ribaldry, I cannot flatter myself that I am better than he: I am forced to confess that he and I are on a level. I wish I had stood firm-- God knows I do! Dread remorse when you are tempted to err, Miss Eyre; remorse is the poison of life."
" Repentance is said to be its cure, sir."
" It is not its cure. Reformation may be its cure; and I could reform-- I have strength yet for that-- if-- but where is the use of thinking of it, hampered, burdened, cursed as I am? Besides, since happiness is irrevocably denied me, I have a right to get pleasure out of life: and I WILL get it, cost what it may."
" Then you will degenerate still more, sir."