together. And problem B is the fact
that I have to manage the difference with you, and you with me,
so every time I work with someone
I always have two problems: the
thing we’re trying to do together,
and managing our differences.
MM. Let’s talk about resistance.
What can we do when we find
resistance in our time or in the
person we are working with?
KJ. There are a number of things
we need to do. The first is to take
a step back and take a deep breath
because if we stay emotional about
it we stop thinking clearly. I have
many colleagues who think differently to me and if I come in after
being very emotional about it then
we just get conflict, so the first
thing is to step back and remove
the emotion from the situation.
The second thing is to think about
what it is, what’s that problem that
the two of us are actually trying
to solve together, because that’s
really more important.
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It’s more important that we solve
this than whether I agree with the
other person. So, what does this
shared problem need from me and
what does it need from the other
person? And how can I see that
what they’re saying, their resistance to me, has value for this
thing we’re trying to do? It’s very
rare really that people resist you
and have no sense about it. It’s
usually not nonsense. There’s usually some value in that resistance,
there’s a good reason. It’s kind
of like failure again, every time
someone pushes back at me. If I
can take the emotion out and think
‘wait a minute, it may be tiny but
there’s something in that, that I
can learn from, from what they’re
saying, from their resistance’, it will
help me move forward.
So, a professional example, from
me: because I’m a professor we
hav