Communicate to Connect : An Insider Secret to Relationship Success | by AmyK Hutchens
Seeking connection does not mean agreeing on everything , nor does it mean you won ’ t argue on occasion . Seeking connection as a couple simply means that you stay open and curious about your partner and his or her needs and wants . It means you ’ re still learning about your partner and you respect your partner , even when you disagree or approach an issue from different viewpoints .
The only long-term relationships that thrive are the ones where both people crave connection
Respecting differences while constructively addressing conflicts will help your connection grow stronger . When your connection to another is stronger , you ’ ll want to help them get what they want , and they ’ ll want to help you get what you want . As if by magic , what they want is what you want ( for them ).
I ’ ve coached couples who were members of different political parties . I ’ ve seen married newscasters express diametrically opposite views on television and not be mean or vindictive to each other or overtly disparage each other ’ s views . This is possible only when there is mutual respect .
Play to Your Strengths
When you seek connection , you are focused on understanding your partner ’ s wants and desires , expressing your own wants and needs , and problem-solving together so that as many of your individual and collective desires can be met . You compromise , take turns , or find an equilibrium acceptable to you both .
That might mean accepting assignments for your areas of influence . Perhaps you have more influence on your family ’ s yearly budget with respect to both expenditures and investments . Your expertise and passion for mutual funds , stocks , and life insurance are greater than your partner ’ s .
You accept this assignment of caring for and managing the finances , but you do not use it as a power play over your partner . You do not belittle or criticize your partner ’ s lack of knowledge , nor do you control the purse strings , and you make sure you and your partner make financial decisions together .
When you crave connection , you accept assignments to contribute positively . When you crave power , you ’ re grasping onto assignment for control , and you use your power to manipulate , dominate , and hurt in order to feed your ego .
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