CHARACTER EDUCATION
The father of person-centred psychotherapy , Carl Rogers , defined empathy as being able to ‘ perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person , but without ever losing the ‘ as if ’ condition ’ ( 1959 ). Crucial to the notion of being empathic therefore is actively seeking to understand the other person ’ s frame of reference , which means to ‘ look out of their window ’ and to see things as they do given the context of their experiences . Thus , being truly empathic is always about the other person and their frame of reference , not ours . A common mistake occurs when we try to display empathy by considering how we would feel in the speaker ’ s shoes , but we inadvertently do so from our frame of reference and perspective , not theirs . Being empathic also means we must put aside our views and values , gently enter another ’ s private world without judgement or prejudice , and be a confident companion ( Rogers , 1975 ). By seeking to understand the speaker from their frame of reference , we are communicating that we are trying to understand them at a deeper level and that we care . Hence , empathy is essential for developing stronger and healthier social connections and relationships that have meaning and purpose ( Demetriou , 2018 ).
Connecting with others : the importance of empathy and listening
Dr Paul Parham , Teacher of Mathematics
For many of us , the COVID-19 pandemic has highlighted just how much value we place on feeling connected to others , with the loss of social freedoms associated with lockdowns leading to a diverse set of mental health challenges . Empathy represents one of the most important ways we are able as humans to connect and feel close to others , but few of us are trained in understanding how to be more empathic . For teachers , however , the nature of our relationships with students , fellow staff members , and parents is undoubtedly influential on how successful we are in our role , as well as how much enjoyment and fulfilment we experience in the process .
Our ability to empathise has both genetic and environmental components , although research suggests that the genetic contribution decreases and environmental influence increases with age ( Knafo and Plomin , 2006 ). Children who grow up in neglectful or abusive environments are more likely to develop weaker , more unstable emotional relationships as adults and an inability to empathise ( Bowlby , 1969 ), while the healthiness of the attachment relationship between child and primary caregivers has also been shown to affect empathic abilities ( Britton and Fuendeling , 2005 ). Thus , there is strong evidence that the ability to empathise can be learned and hence we can all improve our empathic skills . However , becoming more empathic cannot occur without developing our active listening skills . In active listening , we are not passive and simply hearing ; we focus completely on the speaker and it is active because the listener has a role to play , namely to consciously decide to concentrate on and really understand what is being said , as well as the meanings and feelings behind the words . Examples of how we can improve our active listening skills include :
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