FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS
The Key to Being a Great Communicator:
Be a Great Listener
A
re you in doubt about how to
be a better communicator?
Improving your listening
skills is a winning strategy. My
friend Melissa gets an A+ for her
listening skills. When she is
listening, she gives her fullundivided, attention whether it is
for a few seconds or a few hours.
People prize her friendship, as they
feel heard and valued in her
presence. What a wonderful gift!
Being a good communicator can be
learned. Words have a tremendous
impact on us. How many times
have we disliked what was said or
the way it was said? We may have
felt unjustly judged or criticized.
Maybe you have not felt that you
were heard or taken seriously.
Often we communicate the least
with those with love the most.
Listen on Purpose
Start by being in the same room.
Look at each other face to face.
Give each other your full-undivided
attention. We do not have to agree
with what is said in order to listen.
Value what others have to say. Why
would anyone want to listen to you,
if you do not first listen to them?
Seek first to understand and then
to be understood.
Put down the electronic devices
Turn off the TV. Shut off the cell
phone. We have become very bad
listeners because we do not give
others our full attention. Listening
is not a multi-talking activity.
Respect the speaker, whether on
the phone or in person. Let the
speaker know that you value what is
said by being fully attentive.
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Don't make
assumptions
Listen to the facts. Be
careful not to make
interpretations. We
often become angry or
upset because we say
the person’s intention
was to hurt us or to
make us mad. That
may or may not be
true, but if in doubt ask
for clarification. Don't
assume.
Listen with curiosity
and wonder
Listen with curiosity and
wonder instead of blame and
shame. Blaming is always a
negative move. Phrases like, “Tell
me more” and “Help me
understand” are always great for
clarifying what is being said.
Create a Safe Space
Value what your friends, family and
spouse share with you. Never use
what is shared with you against
your loved one. Create a safe space
for trust and intimacy to grow.
Listen with empathy
Listen not only for the content but
also how the other person is feeling.
How does the speaker feel about
what he or she is saying? Whether
or not you agree, and especially if
you do not agree, take a few
minutes to understand their point
of view. Focus on the points of
agreement instead of the points
where you disagree.
Your Turn to Talk
Be clear. Be concise. Be kind.
Make it easy for the listener to
understand you. Do not gossip.
State clearly what you want. Be
worthy of trust. Let your words and
actions match.
Be a Great Listener
Try it. I love doing listening
workshops with groups.
Participants are always amazed at
how little changes can make big
differences in the quality of their
friendships and r V