Divorce is a major lifechanging event , but not all divorces have to be bad . Maybe you have a family member or friend who has gone through a divorce and had an awful experience with the spouse , lawyer , judge or the divorce process . That negative experience does not have to be yours . With you and your spouse maintaining control over the conclusion of your marriage , your divorce experience does not have
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to be so bad . Always keep in mind that everyone has a different set of facts , so do not place too much weight on what others say about their divorce . In my experience as a family law attorney , I gear-up our clients with the following tips :
• Do your research . Read books on divorce , go to a divorce workshop , interview lawyers , and talk to friends for lawyer referrals to see how to best approach the process and which process to choose ( collaborative law , mediation , litigation , or the “ kitchen table ” approach ).
• Get your finances in order . If you have never handled the bills before , educate yourself before stepping into a divorce situation . There are professionals out there like Certified Divorce Financial Advisors who can walk you through the finances . Understand how much your family spends , what your assets are and their value , and the balances on your debts .
• Put together two household budgets : one for your current home ( presumably the marital residence ) and one for where you can see yourself living . This is a tough one because it is hard to make a budget based on an unknown living situation . However , do your research : look at houses and apartments to rent or purchase so you have a better understanding . Do not wait to find out how much money you will get ; rather , be proactive and in charge of your own life . Figure out what your needs and the needs of your children will be .
• Design a custody schedule that will be attractive to both parents , if appropriate . The more attractive the schedule , the less fighting during the process . Do not put your children in harm ’ s way to make the schedule attractive but the reality is that the law looks at
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what is in the best interest of the child in Pennsylvania . Typically , that translates into some kind of shared custody arrangement — barring any proof of abuse , addiction issues and / or criminal history . As always , be careful not to put the kids in the middle by using them as messengers or by saying not-so-nice things about the other parent . It will not help your custody case , but can actually make it worse .
• If you plan to move out , have custody worked out before you do , if possible . It is very hard to get back the time with your children if you leave or your spouse leaves . Oftentimes , parents leave strategically to deprive the other parent of time with the children and / or for some financial gain . Other times , a parent leaves to protect the children from abuse or from witnessing arguments between the parents . In a dangerous situation , you should call the authorities for help . When one spouse has the kids and the other spouse does not , the non-custodial spouse will have to go through the court process to get time with the kids . The court or litigation process can be very drawn-out and expensive .
• Be future focused . Dwelling on the past will keep you stuck in the past . Of course , there is a grieving period for spouses in a divorce , but one way to overcome the grief is to look at the future . Even though it is difficult , the changes or relationship that you wanted from your spouse during the marriage and never got are typically not recoverable in a divorce either . Do not fight for spite because , in the end , you will have spent a lot of money on the court process and likely will not be any happier . Think of a noncourt option like collaborative law or mediation to end your marriage so you and your spouse maintain control , because families do not belong in court .
This Industry Insight was written by Brooke B . McMorrow .
Attorney Brooke McMorrow is the founding member and Managing Attorney of McMorrow Law , LLC located in Wexford , Pennsylvania . McMorrow Law focuses on family law matters such as divorce , custody , child support , guardianship , estate planning , and probate / estate administration in Pittsburgh and the surrounding counties . Attorney McMorrow is collaboratively trained and a certified mediator . She is also a founding member of Collaborative Solutions North . She is licensed to practice in Pennsylvania and New York . For a free initial consultation call 724.940.0100 or visit the website at www . mcmorrowlaw . com .
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