Ow ! The burner hits my dented , carved , dirty skin . Two slabs of rat meat plop down on my insides , sliding around . No seasoning , no fat , no flavor . You would think these imbeciles would ask me what needs to be added in order to add flavor as well . I ' m a mess kit , not a tupperware container , or some pan ! I ' m a combination of those , which makes me twice as good . I can feel the bubbles of the gelatinous rat flesh , doused in fake butter .
1914 Outskirts of German and British trenches
Again , I have no clue why they believe that it ' s necessary , when there is no flavor in fake butter , but if they want the rodent to be even more greasy than it is to begin with , it ' s on them . People have no taste in food , and that ' s that . My owner ' s best mate is always going on and on , boasting about how he ' s a professional chef , but the only differences between his dishes and my owner ' s are that his have salt and pepper , which is all so old , that the pepper doesn ' t have any flavor , and then salt is extra , extra salty , so it makes it worse . He should hire me ! I ' ll use some actual flavor . Some cayenne , a dash of paprika and a spritz of lime juice Ahhh , that baby ' s simmering . That combo doesn ' t work with just anything , like your run-of-the-mill chicken breast , or classic old steak . I know what works and what doesn ' t , so if anyone around here would listen to me when I make recommendations , maybe their taste buds would be delighted for a change . Me and my friends grouped together , making a little dollop of mess kits . My friend 03G22R was chatting to me about how he developed a hole in his side , because his owner ate out of him and cut his meat too aggressively . He got really mad about it , because he said he overheard his owner discussing getting a new mess kit because of it . 03G22R started crying , because no one else wanted to use him , so he would get tossed out . I supported him , and told him that it might be a better life in the dump than it would be here , watching tons of people die . He said , well , I would miss my friends . I want to see my owner go on to do great things . I believe that he is an amazing person with amazing strengths . I want to be by his side in whatever way possible . I was shocked . I had no clue that his owner had that much personal significance in 03G22R ' s life . I told him that if his owner does end up trashing him , he can hide . He will still be able to see all of the amazing things that his owner is doing but from a different perspective . Boom ! Pow ! Gunshots fly over the top of our trench area . More , and more , and more . Pop ! A huge bomb goes off in No Man ' s Land , right next to the front lines . Ashes infest the area , making it hard to breathe . 03G22R ' s owner , Paul , has inhaled some . Coughing , yacking he falls over . 03G22R runs over , eerily shaking . He grabs him by the wrist and says , c ' mon , mate ! Wake up ! Please ? I can tell he ' s worried greatly . He jumps on top of Paul ' s chest , trying anything . As a final effort , he puts his handlebar latch into the back of Paul ' s mouth , and scrapes off all the disgusting ashes that have built up back there over time . It was so full now that it made it hard to breath for Paul . Paul sits up in a whoosh and gasps for air , grasping his neck . He has been saved , all thanks to 03G22R and his care . Paul swigs some water , and swallows . He survives throughout the end of the war , and is forever grateful for 03G22R . December 06 , 1918 , Paul Winterbourne comes home to his family of three . He gives a nice , big , warm hug to his two daughters and his wife . His fluffy poodle jumps onto his wartorn thighs . He hangs his helmet on the coat rack , all whilst holding a rather large suitcase in his right hand , and 03G22R in his left . Welcome home .