2019 ISSUE #2
GREAT CONVERSATION
11
13. AUTHENTICITY
Be authentic in your interactions and
not sarcastic. People want to start
conversations with you because you’re
being real, and not facetious. 21. SWEATY PALMS
Make sure your hand is dry when you go
to shake another person’s hand. Nobody
wants to talk to someone with a wet hand,
because it shows that he or she is nervous. 29. DISPLAY CONFIDENCE
When you’re standing and waiting for an
interaction, keep your head up and your
shoulders down to communicate how
confident you are.
14. FROM THE HEART
When cold calling or emailing someone,
give him or her authentic compliments
from the heart. 22. VERTICAL
Hold your hand out and move it up and
down with the other person’s hand. If
you hold your hand over his or hers, it
demonstrates that you’re condescending.
If you put your hand out palm up, and hold
it below the other person’s hand, it shows
that you’re lower than him or her. You
want to be perceived as an equal instead. 30. VOCAL POWER
When you first start talking to someone,
use your low vocal power to keep him or
her engaged.
15. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
During a cold interaction, say specifically
what you can do for a person.
16. WARM IT UP!
To further your cold interaction and make
it warmer, include an actionable question
at the end of your call or email. For
example, you could say, “Could we jump
on a call to discuss your goals with time
management?”
17. YOUR FEET
In a group conversation, point your feet
towards the person you want to hone in
on and talk to. It shows that you’re in tune
with what that person has to say.
18. THE HEAD TILT
In a group conversation, tilt your head to
show that you’re listening to the person.
Then, he or she will see that you’re paying
attention and be more inclined to speak to
you privately.
19. THE FACE
Watch your microexpressions in any
social setting, even if you’re not talking to
anyone. For example, if your eyebrows are
raised and your lips are stretched or drawn
back, it shows that you’re afraid and not
calm and collected. People want to talk to
you if you’re composed and not scared.
20. TO FIST BUMP OR NOT TO
FIST BUMP?
Do not fist bump when first meeting
someone. Shake his or her hand instead.
This creates oxytocin and an immediate
connection.
23. BY THE BAR…
At any event, situate yourself right where
people are exiting the bar with their
drinks. This is when they’re settling in and
ready for interactions.
24. … OR BY THE FOOD
Sit down where people are eating too. As
soon as they put their plates down, shake
their hands and start talking to them.
25. THE SWEET SPOT
Stand or sit still when you’re in your sweet
spot at the bar exit and the tables. Nobody
wants to interact with someone who is
fidgeting.
26. WATCH YOUR NERVES
On that note, watch your self-soothing
behaviors. Don’t clasp your hands together,
tap your foot or self groom while waiting
for people to approach you.
27. ALPHA BEHAVIOR
To demonstrate alpha behavior in a group
and attract people to you, use expressive
gestures. For example, describe two ideas
coming together by bringing your hands
together.
28. THE POWER OF THE LEAN
If you’re in a group setting and trying to
focus on connecting with one person, lean
in when he or she talks. It shows, “I want
to be with you and talk with you.”
31. REMEMBER TO BREATHE
Take deep breaths and don’t go high up
with your vocals. End all your questions
with a period, not a question mark. You
want to sound like you’re sure of yourself.
32. BE PASSIONATE
Add excitement into your introductions.
Raise your voice, for example, when
talking about your company or your
passions.
33. GROWTH
If you’re in a group and you want people
to pay attention to you, use the nonverbal
hand signal for growth. This involves
raising your hand in an upward slope.
You’re showing people using your body
language how successful you are. Of
course, we’re all attracted to successful
people and want to start conversations
with them.
Vanessa Van Edwards is lead investigator at the
Science of People—a human behavior research lab.
She is the national best-selling author of Captivate:
The Science of Succeeding With People, which
was chosen as one of Apple’s Most Anticipated
Books of 2017. She writes a monthly column on the
science of success for Entrepreneur Magazine and
the Huffington Post. Her original research has been
featured in Fast Company, Cosmopolitan, TIME,
Forbes, INC and USA Today. As a human behavior
hacker she runs original research experiments on
topics such as the science of leadership, human lie
detection, body language hacks, the psychology
of attraction and successful people skills at
ScienceofPeople.com. Vanessa has been asked to
discuss her innovative work on CNN, CBS Morning
news and NPR. She has also consulted for a
number of Fortune 500 companies including Dove,
Symantec and American Express.
ScienceOfPeople.com