Voices
10 years since men have registered
to you in this no-holds-barred
way. You’d never thought your
brain had been boxing itself in,
but it must have done something
to make peace with monogamy,
because now there’s a crazy, frenetic motion to the world.
Unexpectedly, the dog trainer
asks you out on a date. You should
have seen it coming — he’s been
undercharging you. You are walking through the high school football field, the dogs, after five sessions, obediently at your side. The
dog trainer runs his hand through
his black mohawk. Your stomach
drops into your running shoes.
You feel like you did at 14. In minutes you’ve gone from thinking no
one will ever ask you out to being
terrified that people will.
Be reckless, flawed, free. Your
friends are settling down, after
years of freedom during which
you were settled. You were beyond settled when your husband
was sick — you were crucial,
which you hadn’t noticed until
now, when you feel your sense of
purpose deflating. When you’re
on an airplane, you no longer
have the thought that it can’t
crash because someone needs
you. It’s time to go to Mexico and
ELIZABETH
SCARBORO
HUFFINGTON
02.16.14
learn Spanish. It’s time to lock
up your house and disappear to
wander the coast.
Instead, you take ecstasy on
New Year’s Eve with your siblings,
your husband’s brother, all of
your friends. Decimate your reputation as someone with judgment
and integrity in one fell swoop.
And do it with abandon. Com-
Your next door neighbor
Rivka, who, to be fair, is 70,
but who is also a staunch
feminist, wants you settled.
It’s been less than a month
but she’s trying to marry you
off to her caregiver Mark.”
pared to your former existence,
nothing you do matters.
You signed the DNR. You slept
next to your husband in the hospital bed underneath a light,
warm blanket. You rubbed his
forehead as the nurse turned off
the vent. And now, you’re running
around this party like a teenager,
carelessly, stupidly, flying into the
post-apocalyptic part of your life.
Crash into a stranger on the
soccer field. You’re playing in
the Sunday pickup game you go