Voices
ERIN
GIBSON
HUFFINGTON
11.24-12.01.13
DIMITRIOS KAMBOURIS/GETTY IMAGES
math, so you can’t really argue with that.
#2 I would say this is the best
argument I have in favor of
girls with short hair — all that
hair doesn’t get in the way of
getting your dick sucked. Everyone wins! And I’d say I just
closed on short hair forever.
Writer to writer, (not) Roger
Sterling Jr., whatever you’re
working on next, something on
why BBQ sauce makes a great
lubricant or how to steal money
from the homeless, think about
writing about personal opinions
and experiences. An article about
why your boner goes on vacation
when you see short lady hair is
actually interesting, diving into
why you were raised to have an
erection when you see long hair,
furiously masturbating when you
see old Crystal Gayle albums or
girls at Sci-Fi conventions, etc.
That’s a good story! But a bossyass tirade shaming women so
they’ll do things your way makes
you seem like a dude with a lot
of baggage, confidence problems,
and I hate to say it, I bet you
don’t wipe your butt that well.
And do a little research. In the
case of this article, you might
have found out that thanks to
DNA and being raised in a myriad
of environments, guys don’t all
like the same thing. Moving forward, I’m happy to find millions
of long-haired celebrities/porn
actresses on the Internet that you
can jerk off to through the zipper
hole of your J Crew pleated khakis. You can stay busy reinforcing
your heterosexuality without being a judgmental nameless dick to
the young Helen Mirrens
of the world.
Erin Gibson is a writer and
director for Funny or Die.
Michelle
Williams said
in 2011 that
she keeps
her hair short
in memory
of Heath
Ledger, who
always liked
it that way.