Enter
Also, the word “surge” has been
used in conjunction with each
thing’s terrible flaws, and the efforts to repair the problem. So,
that’s something. That is, at the
very least, a “thing.”
It isn’t easy to make these sorts
of comparisons. As they say, the
perfect analogy is like a gravel-sack
cherry-flavored armchair marmalade kitten-butt. Even so, with
these points of intersection, you
sort of have to give a little credence
to the idea that this website is kind
of like a war. And from there, you
sort of need to admit that on a long
enough timeline, the Healthcare.gov
website could — maybe! — become
almost exactly like the Iraq War.
So, how can this objectively false
equivalence achieve, over time, a
little more truthiness? For Healthcare.gov to become more like the
Iraq War, here are the 12 things that
will have to happen as the efforts to
fix Healthcare.gov proceed.
1. In short order, the Healthcare.
gov website will pull down a statue
of “millions of Americans cannot
afford basic health care coverage.”
It will be initially reported as something of an emotional turning point,
but later it will come to light that
it was all blown out of proportion.
2. Sometime this week, and in
LOOKING FORWARD
IN ANGST
spite of the fact that the hard work
of fixing the website has only just
begun, a “Mission Accomplished”
banner will be affixed to the Department of Health and Human
Services. The president will stand
in front of HHS, extolling the work
that hasn’t been completed.
3. Somehow, the ongoing work
on Healthcare.gov will result in the
Smithsonian being looted of hundreds of priceless antiquities.
4. Referring to federal IT contractors and phone-bound customer service professionals,
Kathleen Sebelius says, “As you
know, you go to war with the
Army you have. They’re not the
Army you might want or wish to
have at a later time.”
5. Approximately $12 billion,
shrink-wrapped and shipped to
Healthcare.gov on pallets, will
just up and disappear for no
good reason.
6. Healthcare.gov will be referred
to by President Barack Obama as a
“catastrophic success.”
7. Photos will be released depicting, among other things, a
group of naked and humiliated
contractors from website creator, CGI Federal, stacked atop
one another in a pyramid.
8. Obama will bring an
HUFFINGTON
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